Miltons Pimp My Look
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to pimpmylook@barstoolsports.com or pimpmydate@barstoolsports.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
Today’s Contestant
Reader Email
Dear Pres,
Please help my friend Troy. His attire is so appalling that it has actually gotten to the point where UMASS is wondering if we’re harboring a homeless alcoholic. He has let his Hobart lifestyle get the best of him and no longer lives as a functioning member of society.This is the most apparent in his wardrobe choices. He wears the same shirt religiously, doesn’t even have a matching pair of shoes anymore, and thinks pajama pants are an acceptable everyday outfit. We’re still unsure whether this is by choice or as a result of his wardrobe shrinking every time he throws a party.. aka every weekend. His closet needs an intervention even more than he does. Help a kid >out for our sake and his.
Cheers
(148 votes, average: 8.28 out of 10)
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I would bet $1,000 he’s bald as a billiard under those hats. On a positive note this was one of the least annoying write ups ever. Usually it’s “This is my boy Smitty. Kids fucking shitface every day. last week at a party he shit on a girls leg and didn’t even know out. Then he ate out my neighbor’s dog. help him out.”
i feel like 90% of these Milton’s dudes just go out of their way to dress like dickheads, its not that they cant afford to or dont know how to look normal, they just want to (for some reason) look like the kid from Big Daddy who dressed himself, only as an adult
thats cute that this losers friends want to help him but i dont think miltons is up to the task. his issues go far beyond his wardrobe and if his friends really had his best interest in mind, they would bring him to the vet to be put down. he has suffered enough.
This Has to be the least popular feature right??? I mean Miltons must be getting a shitty return on their investment in this ???
most of these kids are more in need of a face change rather than a wardrobe change
Kid’s a fuckin meatball. Don’t give him jack.