Miltons Pimp My Look
If someone has a friend send an email this long about how they dress like a piece of shit, they prob need a new wardrobe.
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to pimpmylook@barstoolsports.com or pimpmydate@barstoolsports.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
Today’s Contestant
Reader Email
Pres, you stupid ugly jew, our friend really needs help. Much like a lot of the other Pimp My Look winners, Andrew is a nice guy and and means well and we love him. However, he is also the sloppiest person we know. Andrew “Dice” Clay is as timid as a lamb, but a bosomy stripper at Mac Two’s once stated that he looks like a sheep. You can’t bring this kid anywhere. He gets sloshed and tackles just about anything in what we call “Dice Attacks.” Inanimate objects, pets, smokes, you name it, nothing is safe. This behavior mixed with daily consumption of booze produces quite a bit of wear and tear on his clothing, and well, he just looks like shit all the time. It goes without saying that this kid is on about a two year cold streak. He churns out more knuckle children then a thirteen year old who just discovered Brazzers. We recently gave him the nickname “Fappity Fap.” If one was so inclined to browse through his phone, they would discover it is rank with internet pornography and pictures of his disastrous shits, which he feels obligated to send to all his friends. Pres, this fool needs this, it could be his only chance. Sure he could use a little more rehab and maybe some Sunday school, but some new digs from Miltons might be just what he needs to at least start bangin fatties again.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Friend
He had me at “stupid ugly jew”.
You follow up a blog hating on Dude Perfect with “Miltons Pimp My Look” contest. Embarrassing.
Saturday morning when PORTNOSE went to the lobby desk at the Parke Hotel, the desk clerk mentioned that Renee had already obtained her key and was waiting in the room. Portnose was scared but pleased that she showed up. In the elevator he began to wonder if he should have been so bold about expecting sex. What if she is too old or even worse, too young? What if she is unattractive? He quickly dispelled the latter because she had mentioned in one of her letters that she had seen him looking at her body.
When he opened the door to the hotel room and stepped in he could detect a hint of her perfume. Damn! Shalimar, his favorite. He knew someone who wore that all the time. He stepped into the living room and his suspicion was confirmed Renee was already on her knees sucking off a 1,300 pound horses gigantic erection. The nearly 14 ounces of horse cum was flowing from her mouth like a fountain.
Something tells me that by the end of this day Renee is going to be running KO Barstool.
Renee has a really nice asshole. Smells like green olives. Feels nice and rubbery.
the kid that wrote this never graduated high school, right?
Hey el pres suggestion
On these Milton pimp my look blogs you should include some cock pics of the guy. That would add a little spice to the blog.
Whatta u say??
Poor Miltons is getting screwed in this deal.. instant scroll down when i see it. Site is weak, just stick to posting pics of hot chicks other people have already posted… you suck
That first picture is appalling. Each week the contestant manages to somehow be even gayer than the last one.
Pres u think it over? We are all dying to see this guys dick
you need to stop this nonsense
La he
Reneeportnose, you’re yet to say a funny thing. Shut the fuck up and don’t ever use the word we when referring to the comment section at large.
Pres, solid chance that guy tries to Te’o you into phone sex because he clearly has an unhealthy obsession.
We need a cock shot el nose We the Stoolies!
Dany Heatley?
I’ve yet to understand how miltons keeps spending money. this is the laziest and most ineffective campaign i’ve ever seen. there is no “after” shot, no follow up or “where are they now” i mean its advertising 101. you’ve been running the same gimmick and creative for a year. must be a bunch of fucking idiots running that store. old fucks slinging car rental worker suits.
This kid looks like a sloppy cunt. And his face sucks.