Fat, drunk, and stupid and poorly dressed is no way to go through life, son. Thank God for this kid the last part is over. Now you just need some touching up.
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to firstname.lastname@example.org or email@example.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
This Month’s Winner
I am writing you this email to nominate my buddy Durf A.K.A Durf Diggler for the Pimp My Look Contest. He is a great guy and I think he fits the description of what this whole pimp my look thing is all about. Durf’s one of the best guys I know, first guy to buy beers, first guy on the dance floor, and first guy to take down the biggest Swamp Donkey in the place. Kids got moves like Jagger you wouldn’t even believe, straight gold just fly’s off this kids tongue when he’s trying to wheel Vince Wilfork home after the lights come on at Players in Rockland. Durf’s a goalie for our men’s league hockey team and besides having the biggest 5 hole in the league he isn’t half bad. As you can see in the video I sent you he’s a pretty limber guy, put Pitbull on and 15 Bud Lights later his swag on the dance floor is a force to be reckoned with. Besides being devastatingly handsome an hung like Seabiscuit, Durf all around is a stand up guy, so give him a shot at the title. You put this stud in a suit, ladies better keep there head up and knees cemented shut cause he will be wrist deep in every pork sandwich on the south shore!
Viva La Stool