Miltons Pimp My Looks
Time to reload the Miltons machine. Send all sob stories to pimpmylook@barstoolsports.com or pimpmydate@barstoolsports.com and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
Today’s Contestant
Reader Email
Dear Pres,
Please hear us out. We have a friend, great guy, and teammate, he’s just kind of a big slob. Basically he’s on a four shirt rotation and does laundry like once a month so its definitely not a clean situation. I’m going to give you a likely Saturday wardrobe for this dude: He just played an entire football game at offensive line and hasn’t showered but merely wiped the eye black from his face. He’s wearing a reversible Boston University basketball camp practice jersey. A fitted, covering up his matted ass hair and a fifth of captains in his hand. He goes out, blacks out and the next night flips the jersey and does it again. Kind of a beast, he just smells and his clothes are shitty. A change in wardrobe may not and probably will not improve his hygiene but it certainly will afford our friend Kyle Morris the opportunity to not look like a retard as well. Pictures are attached.
Thank You,
Worcester State Football
(It’s a real team)
(215 votes, average: 8.03 out of 10)
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Dude, no one reads this Miltons shit. Give it up already.
re-name contest: “Milton’s Fat Slob of the Month who has shitty clothes and terrible hygiene”
“Kind of a beast”
Kind of retarded fucken fat loser slob that only gets laid when money is exchanged.
Why nominate this kid? What are clothes going to do for him? Nothing. He should work on showering and not being such a fucken loser.
That chicks got some nice leg muscles
Worcester State College
It’s a real college?
Fat fucking loser is sitting in a Lazy-Boy watching Sportscenter, checking his fantasy football numbers while to his immediate right is hot piece of tail with her fun hanging all out. Why isn’t he putting that pointy hat between her legs ? Do you know why ? Because he’s a fat, disgusting, smelly homo.
This “contest” is gay and it must be stopped before more things get gay on this site.
Why would you give nice clothes to a retard? Its not like he knows what hes wearing anyway.
As grotesque as this kid is, it’s a definite power move flipping the jersey and getting right back to it. But that said, it’s still not getting him anywhere near a vagina.
Give him a bra and a bar of soap and call it a day
He goes to Westfield, he’ll be sweeping the floors at Milton’s after graduation anyway. Let him have his day in the sun.
He looks like Andrew Luck fucked Nick Mangold. And it’s not called “Captain’s Morgan.” I don’t know why but that absolutely drives me insane.
I believe the term is towel-head not diaper head…..u failure!!!!
Would definitely smash the chick
ez, or “milton’s dhave my terrible facial hair”. not slob in this contest can properly carve their face
ez, or “milton’s shave my terrible facial hair”. not slob in this contest can properly carve their face
War Chester lolol
Dude should run for office in NH. Looks 194853495630424x better than the newly elected wilder beast.
I had a class with this guy. He wore the same hat and sweats everyday and topped it off with a pair of timbs with the laces undone. 10 out 10.
Last pic, looks like he has a pair of back-up briefs tucked away in his decades out of date cargo shorts for the moment he undoubtedly shits his pants later that night.