Australia – In order to discourage pedophiles, children competing in the Nude Olympics Jan. 20 at Maslin Beach near Adelaide, Australia, will have to wear bottoms, the Southern Times Messenger reports. Police told organizers that kids should be clothed during events such as the sack race and treasure hunt to “deter any untoward behavior,” South Coast Sgt. Malcolm Marr said in the publication. Unauthorized and suspicious photography will also be tightly monitored, organizer Debbie Pillar told the Messenger.


Damn pedophiles. They’re constantly ruining shit for the rest of us. Used to be that a playground or a mall or the nude olympics could just exist without worrying about creepers rocking sweatpants and beating their dicks in the cut. Sadly we don’t live in such a simple world anymore. Now when a gaggle of naked people line up for the tug of war the (nude?) referee has to do a prepubescent cock check before the games can begin. Like why would anyone even want to be a pedophile? Kids suck. I don’t even want to be around them. As annoying as post-coital activities are with chicks it must be 10x worse with kids. At least girls can make you food or something.

Anyway, before this blog gets weird or anything I’ll just say it’s disappointing that we can’t even have a good old fashioned nude olympics without the threat of some fucking lunatics ruining it. Sad day for fans of public nudity everywhere.