Denmark – Pre-pubescent Danish girls are developing breasts a year earlier than previously and seemingly not as a result of their own hormones, according to a new survey from the Rigshospitalet’s Department of Growth and Reproduction. “We believe this is a result of environmental factors – hormone disrupting substances that have a strength to develop breasts despite the fact that the girls do not enter puberty. These substances are everywhere – in cosmetics, foodstuffs, paint – everywhere,” says Sr. Lise Aksglæde one of the authors of the report, naming parabenes and phthalates as two of the substances under suspicion. More than 2,000 Copenhagen girls between five and a half and 20 years of age have taken part in the puberty survey… “The results are very worrying. A dark horse has appeared that affects Danish children and we don’t know what it is. We keep on measuring substances such as phthalates and parabenes but this cannot necessarily give us the answer as to whether these are the substances affecting them,” says Rigshospitalet’s Department of Growth and Reproduction Head Professor Anders Juul.

Can someone explain to me what the problem is here? Danish girls are getting boobs so Denmark’s doctors are all supposed to get their lederhosen in a twist and declare a state of emergency? Is that it? According to the extensive research I’ve done scanning Wikipedia for ten seconds, Denmark is known as “the happiest place in the world” and the second most peaceful place on Earth. So now Danish teenagers will be sporting big giant prepubescent knockers at the sunny beaches of Scandanvia (I didn’t research all that much) a year early than they usually do. And this constitutes a crisis why? Or is it much more likely that Drs. Aksglæde and Juul simply want to keep on doing research into the developing racks of hot Danish teenagers? Make the good people of Denmark panicky about this non-issue so they’ll keep the grant money flowing and you can keep on measuring girls emerging juggs in the interests of science. I’m guessing Juul is a total pervert with an eye for jailbait. The Karl Malone of the Rigshospitalet. You don’t go through life with a title like Department of Growth and Reproduction Head Professor unless you’re a candidate for having the Danish Chris Hanson say to you “Abonnere…” (“Have a seat…”)