In case you missed it, late last week at the Dodgers-Phillies game, the TV cameras focused on this little kid with front row seats putting a voodoo hex on Dodgers closer Jonathan Broxton. The Phillies ended up making a huge comeback and the kid, CJ Ottinger, became an overnight media sensation in Philly. Every Twitter feed, every “Morning Zoo” radio show and TV show was treating the kid like he’d taken Broxton deep into the light towers then ran the bases in slo-mo while sparks rained down around his head.
Well I hate to break it to you, CJ. But the only reason anyone gives a tinker’s damn about you is your hot baby sitter, period. The stands of every Major League ballpark are filled with kids exactly like you. Kids in rally caps. Kids trying give their team mojo. Kids having their brothers yell in their ears. And kids waving voodoo hexes at opposing pitchers. You’re a dime a dozen. But what those other kids don’t have is a smoking hot baby sitter in white Daisy Dukes and with weird wet spots on their nipples. The only reason you’re famous is because your old man is rich enough to stick you in front row seats and to pay for a $1000-a-night escort to babysit his kids. So get over yourself, CJ. By tomorrow you’ll be forgotten but Jimmy Rollins will be painting the map of Hawaii on Samantha’s stomach. Because she’s the real star of this. The sooner you learn that, the better.