Portsmouth, RI Middle School Sends Parents An Absolutely Ridiculous Email About Kids Snorting Smarties
A message from PORTSMOUTH MIDDLE SCHOOL
Important Health Advisory for Parents Regarding the Candy, Smarties
We have recently become aware of an unsafe, new trend among some of our middle school students – smoking or snorting the candy, Smarties. Our research has taught us this is a widespread phenomenon and is the subject of many You-Tube videos.
To smoke Smarties, students crush the candies into a fine powder while it is still in its wrapper, tear off an end, pour the powder into their mouths and blow out the smoke. Some are able to put the powder into their mouths and blow it out their noses. Thus, they imitate a smoker’s exhale.
To snort Smarties, students use a straw or a rolled up piece of paper to snort the fine, crushed candy powder up into their nasal cavities. .The “benefit” for students engaging in this practice is unknown. However, the risks, associated with inhaling Smarties smoke or snorting Smarties, are many and include:
Cuts- if the Smarties have not been finely crushed, pieces may act like razor blades cutting the tissue with which they come in contact.
Infection – sugar residue may remain in the nasal cavity, sinuses and/or lungs. This residue may lead to infections, cough, wheezing, and possible respiratory arrest.
Scarring of the nasal cavity – anything snorted can lead to scarring of the nasal passages. Also if a piece of the Smartie becomes lodged in the nasal cavity it may need to be removed by a specialist.
Irritation of the lungs – smoking or snorting Smarties can lead to a smoker’s cough which can cause laryngospasms causing the voice box to spasm or close.
Allergic reaction – if the child is allergic to sugar, snorting or smoking Smarties can lead to an immediate allergic reaction.
Possible Maggots – Dr. Oren Friedman, a Mayo Clinic nose specialist, has cautioned that frequent snorting could even rarely lead to maggots feeding on the sugary dust wedged inside the nose.
Precursor to future cigarette smoking and drug use – although there is no addictive piece to Smarties, the concern is this behavior may lead to cigarette smoking or snorting of drugs.
This e-mail has been sent to you by PORTSMOUTH MIDDLE SCHOOL. To maximize their communication with you, you may be receiving this e-mail in addition to a phone call with the same message. If you wish to discontinue this service, please inform PORTSMOUTH MIDDLE SCHOOL either IN PERSON, by US MAIL, or by TELEPHONE at 401-849-3700.
First of all, kids have been snorting sugar forever. Generations and generations of children taking bumps of powdered candy to the dome. I remember I was the George Jung of Pixie Stix for a brief period. Crazy times. And now Smarties are what’s hot on the teenage streets. The bottom line is kids want to be cool and they think doing this will make them cool so they do it. And when you’re in middle school, it actually does make you cool, because middle school kids are idiots.
But how about this informative and medically accurate email? Chock-full of rational thoughts. Like for instance, how they say crushed up sugar is the same thing as razor blades. OK. Or that Smartie residue can lead to respiratory arrest. Duh. Oh and I especially liked that other point about the maggots infesting kid’s faces. Few specks of sugar dust and next thing you know slimy maggots are colonizing your brain. And that’s coming from a doctor so its gotta be true. See this is the type of stuff that parents need to know if they don’t want their kids dropping dead. Remember, as long as you only eat Smarties with your mouth, there’s no danger at all. But as soon as you put that same exact Smartie up your nose, you’re basically a chain smoking drug addict with cancer lungs.
PS – I love the part where they say that if a child is allergic to sugar, they could have an allergic reaction if they ingest sugar. These guys must have some top scientists in their laboratory.