MISSISSAUGA, ONT. – In Russia last month, Patrick Chan discovered a new obstacle to Olympic gold, a threat even greater than foes like Daisuke Takahashi, Yuzuru Hanyu and Evgeni Plushenko: An upset stomach. The two-time world figure skating champ brought home a bronze medal from his first competition at the new Sochi rink that will serve as the next Olympic stage. Judging from his ordeal, he probably should’ve been awarded some bonus points for not soiling himself on the ice. “I got sick – I had the runs,” the 22-year-old said. “I … went to my long program and had to take Imodium and take Tums. I thought, ‘I may not have clean pants by the end of this’. It was a good test, it was exciting, and with all the conditions, I skated well. I was happy and I was there to experience it.” The always-colourful Chan looked less green – tanned even from a trip to Hawaii — after his encounter with Sochi’s mean cuisine. He’ll wrap up his sixth straight national title at Mississauga’s Hershey Centre this weekend if he can keep from being planted on the toilet. “The food was abominable. It was greasy with tons of carbs. It was totally not what we wanted,” he said. “It kind of made me upset because you expect us to do something so precise and take a lot of concentration (as skating) and you basically give us cow food. Give us something good, like organic chicken. Greens would be great. I would love greens, but no greens. If there were greens, (they were) greasy.”

Amazing.  Absolutely amazing story.  And it couldn’t have come at a better time.  In an age when it seems like every athlete, even the most inspirational among us, is tainted beyond all recognition, it’s refreshing to read a true Profile in Courage.  It’s life-affirming, is what it is.  Patrick Chan, denied even the most basic necessities like organic chicken and greens, forced to live on nothing but greasy carbs, had to battle not only a Murderer’s Row like Takahashi, Hanyu and Plushenko, but his own digestive system.  But rather than fold like a lot of athletes would have, he sucked it up, reached down deep, squeezed his asscheeks, strode onto the ice and triumphed.  If he can overcome hardships like the shits, he can handle anything they throw at him at the Hershey.  Take that all you cheaters, pretenders, fake dead girlfriend daters and frauds.  This is how a real warrior inspires millions.  @JerryThornton1