HARTFORD— Police said they charged seven woman with prostitution during a roundup in the South End of the city Wednesday. “The detail, conducted on November 14, 2012, in the vicinities of Mountford Street, Wethersfield Avenue, Main Street at South Green, Morris Street, and Dean Street, was in response to numerous citizen complaints of street level prostitution in these areas,” the chief said. “As street level prostitution negatively impacts the quality of life for our residents where it occurs, the public can be assured the department will continue enforcement efforts in order to deter such activity.”

1. Stephanie Diaz (AKA Monster Ball)

 

Is she Halle Berry? No. But maybe she could pass for a really disgusting version of her from Monster Ball and that’s good enough for me. I’d pay for it and let my imagination do the rest.

 

2. Jennifer Ballester (AKA “Latina Heat”)

 

Just about the finest ho Hartford has to offer. Big time rival to Monster Ball.  I’m sure these two probably act like they like each other, but really despise each other because they are constantly competing for Hartford’s top shelf dick.  It’s the Tom Brady vs. Peyton Manning rivalry of the Hartford prostitute game if you will.

 

3. Yolanda Resto (The Maid)

 

She’ll blow you.  She’ll fuck you.  And then she’ll clean your window sills and make your bed.

 

4. Katherine Cowan (AKA – Lady Katherine)

 

Elegant, sophisticated, classy. That is Lady Katherine. A real throwback to the days of the fancy burlesque houses. Probably worked in a few back in the roaring 40s. I’m sure all the girls gather by the fireplace at night to hear Lady Kat regale them with stories of prostitution days yore

 

5. Samantha Montgomery (AKA Jail)

 

This is not Samantha Montgomery’s first mughsot rodeo. I’m not even sure she’s a real prostitute. I feel like she’s the type of chick who may just get in your car, bum a cigarette and then straight rob you.

 

6. Diane White (AKA Weave)

 

All business. Probably says two words during the entire transaction. You just bust a nut in her as she sits there emotionless. She takes your money and walks away without even saying as much as thank you.

 

7. Gail Hannah (AKA Kunta Kinte)

 

Biggest problem for Gail besides actually getting people to pay for her services is avoiding getting run over at night while hanging out on street corners.   You can’t avoid what you can’t see. We’re talking Manute Bol black here.

 

Honorable Mention – “Bitch Face”

 

Had to at least give a quick shoutout to my homegirl “bitch face” who got arrested last night in Manchester for prostitution as well.  I see you Bitch Face. I see you.