Reader Email

Pres,

So I kinda do this work for a living and I find your site to be the best and most entertaining distraction from work that there can be.  I read your post about running for mayor and spoke with some of my co-workers.  As someone in the game here is the only shot in hell I think you have at winning.

1. We’ll need to do some mea culpa with the herald, fuck the globe, just a tell all and get all that shit you said in the past out of the way, invite knockout barstool to a round table discussion, just make them feel heard and get some good B roll of you all shaking hands.

2. Only let these women interview you, http://www.manolith.com/2010/01/25/40-more-hottest-newswomen-in-america/

3.  This will be an all hands on deck situation.  Maurice needs to come to Boston to be your African American Vote Director, he will spend his entire summer in Roxbury and Mattapan connecting with voters, hopefully he’ll come out as an actual black guy.

4.  You have no Latino connection on barstool and KFC totally fucked up any chance of the Hondurans joining the ranks so you’d gonna need to hire a Latino Guy ASAP.  Needs to be bilingual and funnier than Neil. 

5.  I want barstool black out tours throughout the city, Hyde Park, West Roxbury, JP, Allston BRighton, Charlestown, Dorchester, South Boston, Mattapan, Roxbury, East Boston, Mission Hill, Back Bay, Beacon Hill, the North End, the West End and Roslindale.  These will first be friend raisers, voter registration drives and for volunteer organizing.  You’ll also need to do small parties like this for fund raising purposes. 

6.  Half of your electorate will be college kids and young professionals who are not registrared to vote here.  Rule of thumb in campaigning is if you can’t win with the votes you got, make more.  You’ll need to registrar every young degenerate in this city to vote for you, expand the voting bloc and this may give you a shot. 

7.  You’ll be running a shadow campaign, trying to grow the myth of who you are and why you should be elected.  Don’t let people tell you that you can’t win, fuck them, your the one putting your name on the line not them. 

Rick

Political Operative

 

Ok here is what people have to understand.  I am 100% dead serious running for Mayor.    So this was actually a really informative email for me.  Now let me address each point individually.

1.We’ll need to do some mea culpa with the herald, fuck the globe, just a tell all and get all that shit you said in the past out of the way, invite knockout barstool to a round table discussion, just make them feel heard and get some good B roll of you all shaking hands.

I’m not apologizing for shit.  I’ve never said anything that I don’t stand by.  If people can’t get Barstool is satire than fuck them.  I don’t want their vote anyway.   We are running the common sense coalition party.  If you don’t have it we don’t want you.  As far as sitting down with KO Barstool I don’t think that will work and I’m certainly not shaking their dyky hands.  That will probably give me the dyke.

2. Only let these women interview you, http://www.manolith.com/2010/01/25/40-more-hottest-newswomen-in-america/

I’ll take it a step further.  I’m going Mike Tyson style.  I’m only letting chicks interview me who I fornicate with.

3. This will be an all hands on deck situation.  Maurice needs to come to Boston to be your African American Vote Director, he will spend his entire summer in Roxbury and Mattapan connecting with voters, hopefully he’ll come out as an actual black guy.

Done.  Mo will be living, sleeping, breathing, eating Blue Hill Ave.

4. You have no Latino connection on barstool and KFC totally fucked up any chance of the Hondurans joining the ranks so you’d gonna need to hire a Latino Guy ASAP.  Needs to be bilingual and funnier than Neil.

A latino guy? Fuck.  Where do you find them?   Maverick stop on the blue line?   Or should I just kidnap my cleaning service guy and put a pinnie on him?  What if we substitute what we’ve lose with the Latino vote with the Blindo vote?  Will that help?

5. I want barstool black out tours throughout the city, Hyde Park, West Roxbury, JP, Allston BRighton, Charlestown, Dorchester, South Boston, Mattapan, Roxbury, East Boston, Mission Hill, Back Bay, Beacon Hill, the North End, the West End and Roslindale.  These will first be friend raisers, voter registration drives and for volunteer organizing.  You’ll also need to do small parties like this for fund raising purposes.

You don’t have to tell me that twice. I’d love to do Blackout Parties at all those locations.  Sluts hanging from the ceiling.  Blowjobs for votes.  The works.   Clinton will probably show the fuck up.  Problem is I can’t get the venues.  That will change once I become mayor though.

6. Half of your electorate will be college kids and young professionals who are not registrared to vote here.  Rule of thumb in campaigning is if you can’t win with the votes you got, make more.  You’ll need to registrar every young degenerate in this city to vote for you, expand the voting bloc and this may give you a shot. 

This is the beginning and the end of my campaign.   If I can’t get the Stoolies to register and vote I lose.  If I can get them to register and vote I win.   But why do I have to go door to door?   I don’t care how rich any of my opponents are.  How much they spend on their campaign.  I have the most powerful voice out of all of them.  I have the blog.   Stoolies will either vote or they won’t but they won’t know about it.  This will be a grass roots everybody leans on everybody campaign.  Two simple steps.  1. Register. 2. Vote for me.     The rest will take care of itself.

7. You’ll be running a shadow campaign, trying to grow the myth of who you are and why you should be elected.  Don’t let people tell you that you can’t win, fuck them, your the one putting your name on the line not them.

I don’t need a myth.  I’m real.  And I’m taking this shit to the house.