Reader Email

Pres,

Need you to settle a debate I’m having with a buddy. So every once in a while when I’m not looking my wife will swoop in and wash my jeans, which I fucking hate. Is there anything worse than how jeans feel after being washed? All fucking tight and crusty and shit. Everyone knows jeans only fit right after they’ve been worn for at least a few days straight and after that you have to avoid washing them for as long as humanly possible. Anyways, I’m telling my buddy this story the other day and he says he LOVES the feeling of freshly washed jeans. WTF??? Nobody else can feel like this right? The only people in the world who would like that are gaybos who wear skinny jeans to begin with….

Keep Fighting the Good Fight,

EP

First of all I have absolutely no idea what your buddy is talking about. He sounds like an emo dude or something. It’s a known fact freshly washed jeans suck on every level. They always feel like they shrunk and are too tight around the balls. I won’t debate it. It’s just a fact. The better question is how many days in a row is it acceptable to wear the same pair of pants? That’s been something I’ve been having an internal struggle with lately. 7 days? I actually just loaded up on a whole new set of pants and now I’m totally confused on when I need to break out a new pair. Like I know I have 5 pairs sitting in my closet ready to go, but I keep wearing the same pair over and over. I can’t stop wearing them. I dunno. I just feel like I’m going to keep throwing fastballs till somebody proves they can hit it.