Reader Email

El Pres: You have been posing a lot of E-Mails that have been sent from coaches or players to teams and I thought you would appreciate this one. I am on the Colby-Sawyer tennis team and our coach, who was forced to resign at the end of the year, sent this drunk E-Mail to our team one night. This was right after our AD forced us to forfeit a match because we drank on spring break, bullshit I know. Anyways here is what we received, keep in mind our coach was banned from sending E-Mails to the team after 7pm from there on out.

Coaches Email

Subject: keeps getting better and better

Well lets see what we have accomplished since i got here. We have a rat on the team. which might be the worst of all. I have lost a senior captain who I love. We have forfeited a match.. due to drinking. I hope i cant spell forfeit. I cant run an organiz ed practice to save my life and we suck at doubles. OUR RECORD IS 1 and 4. I have spent way too much money already,my AD calls me into the office every morning and I Just lost to ENAz

my assistant got fired from her real job,my manager is going to be scare over the next three weeks. Im bouncing checks to two landlords and have not gotten …… in a while. Oh ya did i mention we have a rat on the team, I dont even know who to trust . On my own team. Some one is talking to some one. and it sucks. and now on top of it I just got i call about something not good, which i will talk to the team and only members of the team about tomorrow. By the way whats everybodys shoe size. I NEED TO KNOW THE #S ON THE BACK OF YOUR SHORT SLEEVE ADIDAS UNIFORMS> 3 45 practice. outdoors tomorrow trainer optional Ill try to stay for the whole practice…………….

Coach pissed off.

Is this the best email we’ve ever posted? I think it may be. But more importantly this may be the best reverse psychology motivational speech of all time. I mean how could you not want to play your dick off for this guy in the next match? Dude is bouncing checks to not one, but two landlords, hasn’t been laid in forever, can’t run an organized practice to save his life, can’t put a good doubles team on the court and worst of all there is a fucking rat on the team. A fucking rat! Seriously how do you not run through a brick wall after getting this email? I don’t know who Colby Sawyer played next after this email was sent out, but I bet they beat the shit out of them. So the AD needs to relax. Screw banning this guy from sending emails after 7pm. That’s the only time he should be allowed to send them if this is the juice he’s going to bring. Coach pissed off indeed.

PS – What’s everybody’s fucking shoe size?