BOSTON — Pedro Martinez is coming back to the Red Sox as a special assistant to general manager Ben Cherington. The club announced Thursday that their former icon — considered by some to be the best pitcher in Red Sox history — is coming back. “We are very excited to have Pedro on board with us and back in the Red Sox organization,” said Cherington. “He was one of the game’s most dominant pitchers and without a doubt a beloved figure in Red Sox history.” …”I am thrilled to be returning to this organization and to the city I love,” Martinez said. “Ben Cherington’s meetings this week have been outstanding. It is an honor to be back with the Red Sox and help in any way I can. I am grateful to our leaders; I believe in them, and I thank them for allowing me to return to the field and help us win again. My heart will always live in Boston.”

I should be happy about this.  I love Pedro.  Among all the Boston athletes I’ve gotten to see in my lifetime, he’s on the Mount Rushmore, no question about it.  Not to mention being one of the most fascinating sports personalities we’ve ever seen.  Pedro was more entertaining in his second language than 99.9% of other ballplayers are in their first.  He’s bright.  We have every reason to think he understands baseball.  So why isn’t this move sitting right with me?  I mean, what’s it to any of us who’s changing the Poland Springs bottles and clearing the paper jams in Ben Cherington’s office?  Why not Pedro?  What is it about this announcement that’s eating at me?

It’s because it was made by this ownership.  Hiring Pedro just reeks of being another one of those cynical, PR-conscious moves they’ve been force-feeding us for years now.  Like all the 100th Anniversary of Fenway-apoloozas they put on or honoring the 2004 Championship for no reason at all.  Just more of the same transparent, feel-good horseshit to take our minds off the fact they haven’t made a sound baseball decision in forever.  You hear the excerpts coming out from Shaughnessy’s book about Francona, and a pattern emerges.  It becomes obvious that this is what their focus is on.  Little publicity stunts to get them good press and keep the public ignorant and happy and watching NESN.  The offseason has been a disaster and everyone knows it so they throw Pedro to us like a fish and hope we’ll slap our fins together and bark.  Our new 1st baseman has two generative hips but… LOOK! Over there!  Pedro is back and his heart lives in Boston!  Buy some tickets!

I could be wrong and maybe Pedro will turn out to be the next baseball executive and Brad Pitt will play him in a movie.  But it just goes to show how unlikable this ownership is that I can’t even enjoy having one of my all time heroes as Special Assistant General Manager.  Special Assistant TO the General Manager:

@JerryThornton1