PHILADELPHIA — This was the example set by Capt. Holmes: First he fumbled on the first Jets’ possession, a ball that was picked up by Eagles defensive end Juqua Parker and returned for a touchdown. Then he let a pass deflect off his hands three minutes later, leading to an interception that four minutes later cost the Jets another seven points. Holmes, in just one quarter, almost single-handedly dug the Jets a 14-0 hole. So how did he react in the second quarter when he caught a touchdown pass to cut the Eagles’ lead to a mere 18 points? He stood in the back of the end zone, put his cleat on the football, and waved his arms like an eagle. The yellow flag was out of the referee’s pocket before he was even done flapping. When asked after the game if he knew this, Holmes made a show of leaning forward to speak directly into the microphone. “I’m a veteran,” said Holmes, who was wearing a black T-shirt with a sequined Superman logo. “I’ve been in the league for six years. Yes, I did know.” That’s the team captain, appointed by Ryan himself — a decision that quickly became an issue when the receiver ripped the offensive line after an early loss to the Ravens.
It’s hard to be even a little bit anti-endzone celebration without coming off like some preachy, super-serious, Bob Costas self-appointed fun police-type. I certainly don’t have a problem with a Lambeau Leap or Gronk spiking it like he’s bringing the Hammer of Thor down upon upon Midgard or something. It’s a judgment call as to where a touchdown celebration crosses the line. But it’s like the Supreme Court justice said about porn. “I can’t define it. But I know it when I see it.” Think about it. You get nonsense like this from the Santonio Holmeses of the world when they face a penalty for doing it. What would happen if you had NO rules? Every time someone broke the plane of the goal line a flash mob would break out and games would last longer than cricket matches.
But in his selfishness, ignorance and stupidity, Holmes gave me an idea. What if the NFL made it illegal to celebrate when you’re team is losing? How would that be? I mean, that’s one thing the pro-celebration and the anti-celebration crowd can agree on, right? That when you’re behind, doing a dance just reeks of the worst kind of self-centered asshattery. Like when David Nelson of the Bills ran over to his girlfriend the cheerleader and gave her the ball, my beef wasn’t that he was making a big display out of banging a Dallas Cowgirl. It was that the Bills were getting pummeled at the time. Same with Johnson when he did the Plaxico thing. And now Holmes. End zone celebrations are for winners only. I think that’s an idea we can all get behind.
Oh, and nice leadership you’ve got there, Jets. Now that you’re about to miss the playoffs, let me recommend a bit of light reading to fill all that free time you’ll have:
For the record, my exact quote was “Every time you annoy a Jets fan, an angel gets his wings. But they were short on space. @JerryThornton1