PITTSBURGH —It starts before dawn in the Pittsburgh darkness, as the 88 Penn pulls up in front of Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh of UPMC and Albert Lexie gets off the bus.For 32 years, Lexie has been examining his schedule each morning, like a doctor on the clock. But the longtime shoe shiner’s gift isn’t healing, it’s giving back. Lexie gives every cent of his tips back to the children. “I think he does it because he loves the kids,” said Dr. Joseph Carcillo. “He’s donated over a third of his lifetime salary to the Children’s Hospital Free Care Fund.” Lexie has donated $200,000 to the cause, bringing in several hundred dollars a week.

Whaaaaat the fuck dude? Honestly. What the fuck? It may be weird to say you hate the nice shoe shiner who donated 200 thousand dollars to a children’s hospital but I kinda do. Not because of anything he does, that’s all admirable as it gets. But I just hate the way it makes me feel. I guess it’s kind of like seeing a good boyfriend or watching professional sports. You need to accept that some people are straight up better than you. I’ll never be the guy who “answers girlfriends phone calls” or “buys her flowers.” I’ll never be able to throw a football 50 yards. And I’ll never be the guy who’s so genuinely nice he gives his shoe shining tips to a children’s hospital while he gets up before dawn to take the bus to work. That’s just not me. It’s a tough realization. Kinda tears you up inside. But give me 5 minutes, I’ll get over it.