Mike Florio on PFTMore than a few NFL players have made known this year their intention to miss a game in lieu of missing the birth of a child. If push comes to shove, however, should they choose to be present for the pushing and not the shoving? It’s a thorny issue. My position was and is that the players have made a lifestyle choice that entails being available 16 days per year, no matter what. If they choose not to plan their nine-month family expansion activities to coincide with the eight months per year when their work activities don’t entail playing games that count, why should their teams suffer the consequences?

When Florio made these comments he set off a mini Frankenstorm.  The Internweb is filled with howls of righteous indignation from bloggers outraged at the suggestion anyone would put football ahead of family and theses guys are human beings first, and how could they live with themselves if they missed such a special moment, blabbity, blah.

Well I couldn’t agree with Florio more.  He’s 150% right.  And on this particular topic I’ll present myself to the court as an expert witness since I was there when both of my sons were born.  And I’m here to tell you, not only should football players be playing football instead of in the delivery room, no man should be in there.  Trust me.  Guys can talk all they want about what a miracle it is and how they wouldn’t miss it for the world but they’re lying through their goddamned teeth.  It’s a horror show in there.  Remember The Walking Dead when Lori had to get a C-section with a buck knife on the floor of a prison boiler room in the middle of a zombie attack?  That’s a tea party compared to the real thing.  Your wife in agony.  Bodily fluids everywhere.  Your future little tax deduction all covered in goo and attached to the placenta like a Army Ranger who jumped with a membrane parachute.  I’ll never forget the midwife asking me if I wanted to come around to the front to get a better look and I was like “Um, if it’s all right with everyone, I’ll stay up here with her.  I’d like to preserve the mystery of it all, thanks.” And there is never a moment in your life when you’ll feel more useless and in the way of people who know what they’re doing.  They even asked if I wanted to cut the cord and I passed.  They’re the experts.  I no sooner wanted to cut that then I wanted to cut a live wire when the electrician put the outlets in our addition, thanks.  No, my dad was right where he belonged when I was born: Home smoking Chesterfields and drinking Black Label and waiting for the call that it was time to come pick my mom up.  Somehow in one generation this business of dads-in-the-delivery-room went from unheard of to mandatory.  Well screw that.  Football players have 16 days a year when they have to be somewhere.  And unless they’re obstetricians, that place is not in a delivery room.  I mean, can you imagine if Travis Henry or Antonio Cromartie skipped work every time one of their babymammas went into labor?  They’d never see the field.

PS. Earlier in the week Dennis & Callahan asked Brady what he’d do if Gisele ever went into labor on a game day and he said all the right things but you know he’d never miss a snap for that.  Let’s not forget that in the 2009 Tardy Boys incident, what turned me and everyone else against Adalius Jetson was he griped about the snowstorm making him late like that was an excuse, when Brady was on time less than 24 hours after his baby was born.  Winners show up and Do. Their. Jobs. @JerryThornton1