HokitikaShots of horse semen are just one of the items on the menu at the Hokitika Wildfoods festival, which is being held in New Zealand next month. For those who think the natural taste might be too unpleasant they can choose cherry, licorice or banoffee pie flavour. Lindsay Kerslake, a race horse owner from Christchurch, thought of the idea after he heard about people drinking bull’s semen. “Horses are pure testosterone. They have hardly any cholesterol, so the idea is you knock it back and feel like a stallion yourself,” news.com.au quoted him as saying. “You’ll have as much zizz as a stallion for a week afterwards.” He added that he is “pretty confident tests will explain how and why it makes you feel so good, but that’s still being worked on.” He said he had not tried the product himself but assures people it is safe as it is being collected using an artificial vagina and stored in the same formula used by breeders. “You often hear from a female perspective that semen has an awful alkaline taste, so we thought we’d better make it more user-friendly,” TNT Magazine quoted him as saying when discussing the added flavours. “Think of it like a milkshake.”

It’s not bad enough that every food that tastes good is bad for you and everything that’s good for you tastes like crap.  Now the key to feeling good is to swallow horse spunk?  Yeah, no thanks.  I mean, I can barely choke down a salad and the only way I’ll eat a Brussels sprout is if you cover it bacon.  I draw the line at taking facials from Super Saver, thankyouverymuch.  If the price of poker on feeling like a stallion and producing a decent amount of “zizz” is having millions of equine sperms swimming around in my gut, I’ll happily grow old, lethargic and shoot blanks the rest of my life.  And I don’t care how much Kool Aid they mix into it.  Like Jules Winnfield says, sewer rat might taste like pumpkin pie, but that don’t mean I’m going to swallow its baby batter.  Or something like that.

I will say this though.  It would be worth going to the Wildfoods festival, just to meet the chicks who buy the shots straight up, with no flavoring.  Now they’d be keepers. @jerrythornton1