mike bower

 

From Brobible.com

Fellow Bros,

I write to you tonight in a moment of great bro need. A great injustice towards drinking games nationwide is currently unfolding, and I humbly ask your aid in helping us stop it.

Three good friends and I, all brothers and loyal followers of BroBible, entered into a unique competition a couple weeks ago; a competition by the name of the Cuervo Games. The Games are organized through Facebook, where teams can accumulate votes from their friends. The top 3 teams from each section go on to compete in the regionals for a chance at winning an all-inclusive trip to VEGAS to compete in the finals.

As we held first place for over a week, we continued to toil whenever we were in front of a computer; constantly hassling our frat bros, families, and friends to vote for us and ensure our entry into the Cuervo Games 2010. However, just 2 days ago, a surprise team entered in. The team goes by the name of “Barstool Sports Boston,” a website which I’m sure BroBible has heard of before. Swinging the brunt force from their Boston fanbase, Barstool Sports quickly shattered all competition, and now leads the Games entrances by over 300 votes.

My team and I were, until now, ready to lower our heads in humility to the power of one of Boston’s most highly followed websites… But then they made yet another step. Yesterday, one of our competitors, a team by the name of FB G$, sent an email to Barstool and asked why they were being crushed. “But we’re girls!” They say… “We’ll wear white shirts and get wet!”. (Paraphrase)

Barstool took the bait. In an act nearly as shameless as Lebron signing with the Heat, Barstool sponsored this team of girls, citing that they wanted to see them in the Games: “I’d love to get fucked up with you after (wink, wink)”. (Direct quote from “El Pres”). I wonder what they’re after.

This is a setting of precedents. Barstool has single-handedly decided that this team of girls should have the right to compete in the Cuervo Games based on a cry for help. But beyond that, they decided more: they decided that drinking games…. NO, that an event as epic as one named the CUERVO GAMES ought not include those very people who can really handle it, ought not allow the real competitors, the bro’s who put in weeks of grunt-work to get where they are to have a shot in the Games… And that drinking games, instead, ought be run by little girls in their white tank tops.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I love the ladies. They really rev my engine[1]. But drinking games… The CUERVO GAMES with a trip to Vegas is OUR domain. We rule all things drinking and we do it with persistence, practice, precision, skill and determination. We comprise the model of the BroBible followers, and we remain loyal fans.

What we ask of you today, Bros, is your assistance in helping us maintain our position in the Cuervo Games. For us and for our brothers all over. We ve all gone through endless months of brutal pledging to have the honor of wearing our letters while running the table. These girls haven t. Barstool Sports Boston probably didn t. Sponsor us in the Cuervo Games 2010 and let us prove it. If you don’t, then we submit one of the nations biggest drinking events to the hands of Boston’s BarstoolSports.com, and the little skirts that they’re so clearly chasing. If you help put us in the top 3, we will win the Cuervo Games for Bro’s all over.

 

Oh boo hoo, boo hoo. Big bad El Pres is swinging his giant dick all over Boston again and rigging the Cuervo Games. What a fucking pussy this guy is. Hey King Brospheoha or whatever the fuck you call yourself. Instead of crying to Brobible why don’t you just do what Manhatten lax bros do. Put on a pair of pastel shorts and go invent your own sport so you don’t have to compete with superior males. You can call it the Lax Cuervo Games. I’m sure you could be an All American at that and then brag to your friends about what a great athlete you are.

Bottomline is this. I own you. I control your fate in the palm of my hand. Or better yet the Stoolies do. Listen nobody passes go around here without us saying so. So if the Stoolies decide to vote for you than you’ll make it the top 3. If not maybe I’ll let you be Devlin the Slave Intern’s waterboy for the day.  So what do people think? Picture this as the scene in Gladiator when they are giving the thumbs up or thumbs down to kill the defeated opponent.

Vote 1 if you want to see Team Barstool womp on this Lax Bro and Vote 10 for you’d rather see chicks get wet like every other straight male in America. Whatever decision is final and who we will support to come play us come Cuervo Games time.

 

(Unless a super hot chick team comes out of nowhere then all bets are off)

 

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BREAKING NEWS 

Just found out The Dirty is taking shots at us too.     So this is what life is like at the top huh?     Just everybody taking cheap shots at the champ.   It’s like the entire internet is hanging on our every move right now.  Like  I can picture Hooman Karamian, AKA Corbin Grimes, AKA Nik Richie just sitting in front of his computer in a cold sweat waiting to see what we do next.   I love it.    That’s how it should be!   It’s great to be the fucking  king!   Anyway here you go Hooman.    I’ll throw you a bone.  Here is a little link to you trashing us.      Haha.  Hopefully the traffic I give you will  help keep your electricity on another week.    Viva La Stool!