Some Rich NY Lax Bro Is Crying About Me Rigging The Cuervo Games.
Fellow Bros,
I write to you tonight in a moment of great bro need. A great injustice towards drinking games nationwide is currently unfolding, and I humbly ask your aid in helping us stop it.
Three good friends and I, all brothers and loyal followers of BroBible, entered into a unique competition a couple weeks ago; a competition by the name of the Cuervo Games. The Games are organized through Facebook, where teams can accumulate votes from their friends. The top 3 teams from each section go on to compete in the regionals for a chance at winning an all-inclusive trip to VEGAS to compete in the finals.
As we held first place for over a week, we continued to toil whenever we were in front of a computer; constantly hassling our frat bros, families, and friends to vote for us and ensure our entry into the Cuervo Games 2010. However, just 2 days ago, a surprise team entered in. The team goes by the name of “Barstool Sports Boston,” a website which I’m sure BroBible has heard of before. Swinging the brunt force from their Boston fanbase, Barstool Sports quickly shattered all competition, and now leads the Games entrances by over 300 votes.
My team and I were, until now, ready to lower our heads in humility to the power of one of Boston’s most highly followed websites… But then they made yet another step. Yesterday, one of our competitors, a team by the name of FB G$, sent an email to Barstool and asked why they were being crushed. “But we’re girls!” They say… “We’ll wear white shirts and get wet!”. (Paraphrase)
Barstool took the bait. In an act nearly as shameless as Lebron signing with the Heat, Barstool sponsored this team of girls, citing that they wanted to see them in the Games: “I’d love to get fucked up with you after (wink, wink)”. (Direct quote from “El Pres”). I wonder what they’re after.
This is a setting of precedents. Barstool has single-handedly decided that this team of girls should have the right to compete in the Cuervo Games based on a cry for help. But beyond that, they decided more: they decided that drinking games…. NO, that an event as epic as one named the CUERVO GAMES ought not include those very people who can really handle it, ought not allow the real competitors, the bro’s who put in weeks of grunt-work to get where they are to have a shot in the Games… And that drinking games, instead, ought be run by little girls in their white tank tops.
Now, don’t get me wrong… I love the ladies. They really rev my engine[1]. But drinking games… The CUERVO GAMES with a trip to Vegas is OUR domain. We rule all things drinking and we do it with persistence, practice, precision, skill and determination. We comprise the model of the BroBible followers, and we remain loyal fans.
What we ask of you today, Bros, is your assistance in helping us maintain our position in the Cuervo Games. For us and for our brothers all over. We ve all gone through endless months of brutal pledging to have the honor of wearing our letters while running the table. These girls haven t. Barstool Sports Boston probably didn t. Sponsor us in the Cuervo Games 2010 and let us prove it. If you don’t, then we submit one of the nations biggest drinking events to the hands of Boston’s BarstoolSports.com, and the little skirts that they’re so clearly chasing. If you help put us in the top 3, we will win the Cuervo Games for Bro’s all over.
Oh boo hoo, boo hoo. Big bad El Pres is swinging his giant dick all over Boston again and rigging the Cuervo Games. What a fucking pussy this guy is. Hey King Brospheoha or whatever the fuck you call yourself. Instead of crying to Brobible why don’t you just do what Manhatten lax bros do. Put on a pair of pastel shorts and go invent your own sport so you don’t have to compete with superior males. You can call it the Lax Cuervo Games. I’m sure you could be an All American at that and then brag to your friends about what a great athlete you are.
Bottomline is this. I own you. I control your fate in the palm of my hand. Or better yet the Stoolies do. Listen nobody passes go around here without us saying so. So if the Stoolies decide to vote for you than you’ll make it the top 3. If not maybe I’ll let you be Devlin the Slave Intern’s waterboy for the day. So what do people think? Picture this as the scene in Gladiator when they are giving the thumbs up or thumbs down to kill the defeated opponent.
Vote 1 if you want to see Team Barstool womp on this Lax Bro and Vote 10 for you’d rather see chicks get wet like every other straight male in America. Whatever decision is final and who we will support to come play us come Cuervo Games time.
(Unless a super hot chick team comes out of nowhere then all bets are off)
(570 votes, average: 9.49 out of 10)
Loading ...
BREAKING NEWS
Just found out The Dirty is taking shots at us too. So this is what life is like at the top huh? Just everybody taking cheap shots at the champ. It’s like the entire internet is hanging on our every move right now. Like I can picture Hooman Karamian, AKA Corbin Grimes, AKA Nik Richie just sitting in front of his computer in a cold sweat waiting to see what we do next. I love it. That’s how it should be! It’s great to be the fucking king! Anyway here you go Hooman. I’ll throw you a bone. Here is a little link to you trashing us. Haha. Hopefully the traffic I give you will help keep your electricity on another week. Viva La Stool!
elpresidente | Random Thoughts | 07/15/10, 10:51 am |
.jpg)
64 People have left comments on this post
Nice Cape Cod sweatshirt Dick Tree.
I hate to say it Pres but, like LeBron, Bosh and Wade, anything less than a championship from Barstool and you guys are going to get laughed at. With that said…
CUE THE MOTHERFUCKIN DUCKBOATS
This kid is going to kill himself after the stoolies are done with him
What a bitch boy
Pres when the fuck did you establish that this asshole plays lacrosse? This kid sucks at life, that’s a given, but don’t call all assholes lax players, shit aint right.
Mikey is really just your run of the mill lax douchebag. People would rather see you and three of your too close friends than four chicks getting wet? He really believes people would want to see him and his buddies. D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G
2 Things:
1) Hooman officially changed his name the other day. Pres, you’ll love this. His name is now officially Nik Llamas Richie.
That’s right. He married Shayne Llamas in Vegas after meeting her that night and has taken her last name hyphenated with his “stage name”.
2) This kid is from Manhattan, lives in DC and has a Cape Cod Sweatshirt on? Yea ok, pal. I trust you to run the games for “Bros” everywhere.
Viva La Stool!
I hope Mike Bower rots in hell. His email was brutal and unfunny.
I thought everyone in Mass wore pastel shorts.
VOTE FOR FBG$ AND KEEP THESE BROS FROM FROM COMPETING!
http://apps.facebook.com/cuervogames/?section=team&team=620
I voted 1. BSS needs to kick some ass face to face, no more hiding behind the smut. If you can’t stand the heat, get the fuck out the kitchen. Go big or go home. Fight, fight, n-bomb and a white.
Get your fucking hands dirty EP, send this kid back to abercrombie & fitch with BSS stamped on his ass.
What the fuck is “The Dirty”?
Have we confirmed that the girls on Jocyln Zewski’s team are even good looking? I just took a quick peek and they look heinous.
Holy shit, people actually talk like that?? With all the “Bro” this and “Bro” that? what a fucking nut sucker. I thought that was only in movies and in parodies of Lax Dbags.
El Pres, you are Ari Gold. Fuck everyone….
Brobible? Their El Pres is King Brofasarous?? It’s bro everything on that site. Sounds to me like theres a lot of Bromo’s on that site. Too much bromance for me. Viva La Stool! Pres, they are dogging you over there man.. I hope stool levels them.
Why did you pull down Donal’s (sorry cant’ figure out how to add an accent over the o) awesome Boatonian video? Were people cancelling?
his underwear has dick holes.
Pres is only part-famous cause Jenna went viral and is full blown famous…
… but i like that….
…Chicks-helping-Dudes-Helping-Chicks…
…it’s the circle of life.
That Bostonian advertising sure was great. Lasted like 2 hours before everyone realized how idiotic it was.
so i just checked out “the dirty” for the first time and only because Pres threw it up there…i hope there is a way for Dicky Nicky to check where his hits are coming from…he seems like a class A Douche and probably loves 3somes with 2 dudes
That bro peaked in highschool.
That website is full of bromosexuals, jesus. I wish I didn’t know it existed. Also apparently we’re all “GDI”s?? As far as I can tell that means “god damn individual.” As in we didn’t pledge a frat. What losers. Get em Pres!
Kid’s about to get a million friend requests and hateful messages from the Stoolies.
sidenote- I wonder if this cunt makes it in, will EP be as big and bad in real life as he is behind a screen?
fkn lame video
I’m still not sure what thedirty.com is after going there. some ugly dude making fun of chicks he’d never fuck? what?
“Barstool has single-handedly decided that this team of girls should have the right to compete in the Cuervo Games based on a cry for help.”
No – It’s based on boobs and beav, not the cry for help.
Bro Bible? Sounds Gay…
The Dirty? Way to be like Turtle from the gayest show ever…
that website is way too homo for me. i mean- i like the concept (a blog that talks about chicks)…..but does everything need to be bro this and bro that. thats just weird.
COOL if we were all 10 years old again, really who gives a sht and get a life , all of you… cue “guess that ass”
“Bro Bible” Where Bro’s go to talk about their feeling…Awww…
“The Dirty” Where douchebags in Tapout shirts with blowouts and eyeliner go to talk about ‘Entourage’ and act like they know somebody…Anybody…
Gimme a break, what would Mel Gibson do to those pussies?
I’m guessing he’s joking, right? I mean no one calls themself a bro….it’s like calling yourself a douche.
Rich Swampscott guy verbally slaps Rich Lax dude, good stuff.
I love that this rag head is changing his name yet again to sound more attractive to this market. I hope he dies of camel aids.
What a cunt. Who the fuck takes themselves and drinking that seriously? Fucking pickle smoke.
El Pres, you hate on “lax bros” because he works in Manhattan and most likely makes more money than you running this website. With that being said, I, along with everyone else would like to know your athletic career. You can’t have a website called barstoolsports without being a great athlete yourself. correct?
I actually love the “CAPE COD” tee-shirts and sweatshirts… as well as minivans, jorts, and all the other universal symbols of toolbags.
They just make the screening process that much easier.
Booo fucking whoooo! Listen buddy, not everyone gets a trophy in life. Bottom line is we would rather see hot chicks in white wet tshirts than a bunch of whiney frat brothers. Go back to playing tennis you whiny bitch!
Pussification of America!
Amen EP. Backing you up 100% on this one, just make sure you can walk the walk too.
BREAKING NEWS!!!! Dana Bibles Midget Penis will be known from here on out as BroBibles Midget Penis.
Fuck that whiny bro douchebag. Viva La Stool!
theres a fuckin brobible.com? what the fuck. I thought brostool sports was bad enough, but I’m sick of seeing people complain about this site. If you don’t like it, don’t visit and don’t mention the name (it just gives pres more hits). simple as that. fuck that kid Mike though.
I’d love to see how EP stands up to this kid. Hope he doesn’t get his ass whooped.
Big dick behind a TV screen doesn’t mean much Pres
I am dropping fury as we speak on the website.
i just checked out “The Dirty” 1 thing i need to know stat is where the hell is my african baby kiddy porn they promised this site would give me!!!…. F#$% the dirty and there idiot fans
ElPres is my fucking hero, love this line! haha he is a fucking scumbag like me, well not really but u know what i mean
“I’d love to get fucked up with you after (wink, wink)”. (Direct quote from “El Pres”). I wonder what they’re after.
DBMP, havent seen you comment in a while bro, welcome back and that sounds like a good name
wait a second this guy reached out to his website for help and votes just like el pres- hey pot meet kettle and the website is funny, maybe if you cocksniffers took a moment to get your self detached from prez nuts you would notice that oh and understood sarcasm
and ps bros arent jews
LOVE the site
Why is Portnoy such a stem-charmer for you freaks. Stop using the term ‘cue’ on the comment board, it indicates that you toss Portnoy’s salad without consideration.
*would toss Portnoy’s salad
side note, you can vote once a day, so keep em comin
like, “contract law, something in exchange-for” consideration or “taking into account” consideration?
I don’t get it.
Pres- C’mon Bro. Your being way to tough on these bro’s from DC. Whether they are frat or not, we, as men, are all Bros! Aren’t we? These Bros are probably G-T-L’d to the hilt. How much can those chicks, hot or not, wet or not, really drink?
I tried to put together a bro-friendly pitch, albeit sarcastic…..but I couldn’t even do it with a straight face. I can’t imagine how Mike Bower came up with all that. What a joke. Dude- it is essentially a contest. Lets be real. I mean- how much time does Mike Bower spend picking his mega-million and powerball numbers? He probably tries to find the absolute winning combo of numbers twice a week. What a fyckin loser.
I feel sorry for this guy, he’s a real hatchet wound… but to cry about it on a “Bro” website?
Excuse me while I take my new Bro Bible into the shitter, apparently I need to catch up on the bro times.
Viva la stool!
What a D-bag….I hate to say it but with all his “Bros” comments, he slipped in there “Frat Bros”….this DB lax player from DC, via NYC probably pickets the White House to get his gay Indian “LAX Bros” the chance to go to England and play in their gay lacross tourney, and calls his country a cunt! Fuck him…Viva La Stool!!!!
There is a site called Brobible? Serious or not, that’s fucking gay. What a faggit.
Bros
+
‘Grunt-Work’
+
‘Brutal Pledging’
=
homos
you cockboys wish you had letters
ps: Samuel McGuire of Brookline, MA is a dick gobbler
Let’s simplify that math.
Bros=homos.
the brobible, really? what a bunch of vag’s
Hey there EP,
I love the publicity.
First “El Pres” proves himself to be a big enough cockfest to put my profile picture and information on his website, which was classy move #1.
Next he goes on bragging, “waving around his big dick all over Boston,” and his fans eat it up.
Then we got tons of hate comments pouring in, taking the entire letter, purpose, and goal much too seriously.
This is a content for votes. I sent the message to Brobible as a means to compete against your Boston fanbase.
I’d love for you to actually man up and compete against us face-to-face.
This 30 y/o ugly fuck and his Boston bloggers, (who are tough through a computer screen but aren’t smart enough to understand that my message is supposed to be funny before serious,) can suck on my ass.
P.S. I’ve never played Lacrosse, but any Lacrosse player I know could fuckin’ trample you, “El Pres’” old ass, and any of your followers.
F.D Romanowski- Nice research, but poor comprehension skills. You see a Portnoy nut-licker like yourself, has no qualms about wearing Portnoy’s ass-hole on your face. Without considering the fact it would make your face stink, and make you a homo.
Effu2 — Fair Enough. I wasn’t ever really good at math anyway.
How about we just call ‘em “bromos” and go get a beer.
Yeah I bet the ‘ladies’ down at the frat house “rev your engine” alright .. *cough*homo*cough*
From his letter you’d think that you had to be in a fraternity in order to compete in these games. “They didnt go through the endless months of brutal pledging aka bro buttsex, and either did barstoolsports, blah blah blah”
Go fuck yourself you elitist CUNT! (or have one of your bros do it for you!)
BroBabble?!?
What a bunch of whiny bitches!
what i want to know is – where can i buy a “You need to BLOW ME first” t-shirt?
You must be logged in to post a comment.