Stripper Calls the Cops When Customer Won’t Answer the Door…..Police Captain Schwartz To the Rescue
PORTSMOUTH — A woman who described herself as an exotic dancer called the police on Sunday to report a theft she claimed occurred when a resident ordered a dance, but refused to answer his door when she arrived. Police Capt. Mike Schwartz said an officer was dispatched to the residence and the man didn’t answer the door for the officer either. But Schwartz disputed the woman’s claim that a theft had occurred. “She never danced, so I would be hard pressed to say it was theft of services,” Schwartz said. “Now if she was a professional doorbell ringer….” The police captain also speculated about what may have occurred. “I guess there are some people who would have a better dance than others,” he said. “Maybe you were expecting Mikhail Baryshnikov and you got someone looking like Mike Schwartz. I wouldn’t answer the door either.”
If this Police Captain doesn’t have an HBO comedy special by sundown tonight there is something seriously wrong with this country. Like I’m not even going to try and blog this story. Captain Schwartz just flat killed it. Just another funny Jew protecting America and being hilarious while he does it. Just described exactly what happened perfectly. Fat girl showed up. No dice. Boom done.
Fuck jews
Had to google Mikhail Baryshnikov. Sex and the City.
Where does it say he’s Jewish?
When they stated his last name was Schwartz
@redsoxfan: His last name is Schwartz, bro. Not that it matters, but since when are Jews cops?
She probably was fat but where did it say that in the article?
The cop is Jewish. Schwartz? Oh yeah…
I see your Schwartz is as big as mine…
@edrooney: Shit! I hate it when my Schwartz gets all twisted!
@mccish “Fuck jews” is the best this asshole could come up with. The fact that this walking receding hairline is a cop, was an open window into a world of verbal abuse, and “Fuck jews” was the best you could think up? You should be castrated you unoriginal bastard
yogurt put it best, never underestimate the power of the schwartz
This cat is the real life Noah Levenstein. Fuckin right doggy
No doubt he saw what was ringing the door bell and then he went to hide under his bed.
well clearly his dad forced him to be a cop to keep that tradition going, but his first love was comedy
What’s a Heeb doing being a cop, there’s no money in being a cop. What do you max out at $125,000 with OT & detail for a patrolman? What kind of Jew gets out of bed for a paltry $125,000 (except smut peddlers with a false sense of importance). Disgrace to the chosens.
Stro and Harry need to look up sarcasm in the dictionary it seems.
I do this all the time. When ordering “entertainment” I always send them to a neighbors house first so I can see what the goods look like first. If they are good Ill flag them down, but if not ill let my neighbors deal with it. You never know what you’re going to get. One I ordered 2 strippers and the guy said he had two hot Latin girls from Brazil. What my neighbor ended up getting was two ugly (Not Latin) girls from Dorchester. Hilarious…..