HAHA fucking take that Wayne! Let’s see you abrakadabra your way out of those third degree burns! Make water appear out of thin air Mr. Magic Man! Perform an optical illusion to make yourself not look like a freak!

And I know I sound like one of Pontius Pilots soldiers yelling at Jesus on the cross right there but anyone who watched KFCRadio yesterday knows I hate magicians. I just do. They irk me like nothing else. Magicians are so elitist they make Harvard kids look homeless. With their tuxedos and top hats and fancy “magic words.” I fucking hate them. Every magician I’ve ever seen reminds me of Mysterious, that dude who wrote The Game. Just intentionally trying to be an idiot asshole so you remember him. They’re homeless people but instead of just money they also want your attention. And I know it sounds like I’m focusing on the David Blaine type magicians but it’s not just them. It’s anyone who’s ever done a single card trick. You ask me to pick a card and your little game will turn into 52 card pickup faster than Peter Cottontail orgasms. I just hate magicians and enjoy watching them get set on fire. Sue me.

I’ll wish Wayne a speedy recovery if he promises to retire from magic forever.