The Future of Sports/Smut Blogging: Cam Newton
You know that feeling you get when some new, fresh, smokeshow actress first comes across your radar? And you’re excited because she’s right in your wheelhouse and you can’t wait for Uncle Buck to post a Wake Up with her or EP to feature her on a Guess That Ass followed by her inevitable movie nude scenes? Well that’s the feeling I got watching the NFL Combine over the weekend. There’s still a couple more days to go in Indy, but I’ve already found my man of the future. My “IT” guy. I’m not talking about the next NFL superstar (you never know that from watching this dog & pony show). I’ve found the guy who’s going to write blogs for me for the foreseeable future: Auburn QB/ Potential 1st Rounder/ Certain Bust Cam Newton.
It’s not like Newton hasn’t been running red flags up the pole for years now. Like when he had to leave Florida for stealing a laptop, then tossed it out a window right in front of the cops. Or the way his old man famously peddled him to other schools for money. But honestly, I couldn’t care less about any of that. The NCAA is the most corrupt organization this side of the Olympic Committee, and to quote Michael Corleone, they and the Newtons are all part of the same hypocrisy. So I think everyone was willing to judge the kid by how he conducted himself from this point forward. And in the few short days since he’s been at the Indianapolis Kennel Show Newton:
*Told SI he sees himself as “more than a football player… an entertainer and an icon.”
*Explained that away by saying “I was making the point that I want to be the best possible ambassador for” Under Armor
*Traveled everywhere surrounded by his own camera crew, who filmed his every move and basically road gradered everyone in their path
*When someone called them his “entourage,” Newton said “That’s not my entourage. That’s my waiting list.”
*After a workout that included impressive measurables, he went through a passing drill in which he completed 11 of 21 throws. That is, just chucking a ball to receivers, with no defenders anywhere.
*Blamed that performance on “timing,” saying he’s only used to throwing to guys with SEC speed.
*And worst of all, referred to himself in the 3rd person, including this existential gem: “With Cam Newton or without, the NFL will be.”
*Generally came off like a cocky, arrogant camera whore in love with the sound of his own voice.
So there’s no escaping it. Unless every instinct in my body is wrong, this is a trainwreck about to happen. There’s no stopping it. Newton came barreling out of the tunnel this weekend at full steam, around the bend the bridge is out and there’s no way he can jam on the brakes in time. And for the next 10 years or by the time he gets Jamarcussed out of the league (whichever comes first), Cam Newton is going to be one blog-worthy story after another. Fights with teammates, getting coaches fired, baby mamas, OUIs, banging hip hop chicks, and strip joint rainstorms that are the stuff of Roger Goodell’s worst nightmares. Too bad the Jets aren’t looking for a QB, but he’ll fit right in in Cincinnati or Dallas. I can’t wait. @jerrythornton1

whats the over under on a controversy involving a gun by the end of next season
Chances are looking pretty good zp
Heard a room that the Bengals are entertaining trades for Palmer….why you ask….because they are thinking about the dickweed above. I’m glad I’m a Bears fan first, and the way things are going, the Bengals won’t even been in my top 10 next year. Mike Brown is such a fucking idiot.
…… what jerry didn’t mention is that Newton used some of that RIDICULOUS under armor contract to pay off Mel Kipper (who has taken bribes before) to get higher in his silly mock draft.
think about it, not two days after signing with UA Newton moves up 7 or 8 spots
room = rumer
I’d be very surprised to see Newton do well at the NFL level. Maybe not as big a bust as Russell but I am putting him in the middle of a Jason Campbell/Jamarcus scale. That’s no knock on Campbell but the guy hasn’t done squat.
Congrats CincyLife you managed to spell rumor wrong in both of your posts
Jerry, while i think most of what you say is mindless, this hits the nail right on the head… any team who takes this moron will just be wasting money on a QB who cant complete a pass, and will have a concussion problem after his second season…
Mel Kiper is the biggest joke, adn the fact that ESPN employs him goes to show you what a crock of shit they are as a network. (Heat index?)
ill take tolzien anyday of this slice of shit…
this guy shouldnt even be Mr. Irrelevant…
gotta agree with Jerry here…No way Cam Newton is a NFL QB. Whoever wastes a first round pick on this guy is blind. He’s the next Vince Young–only prettier and more marketable, so he’ll be even less focused on football. Also, he’s the poster child for why the combine is irrelevent–he’ll knock every physical measurement out of the park, but that won’t define him as a player.
corylidleflymehome says:
March 1, 2011 at 10:30 am
Congrats CincyLife you managed to spell rumor wrong in both of your posts
hahaha, classic
The latest mock draft that I just saw yesterday had the Bills taking him at #3. I couldn’t fucking believe it
Wait, how can you say that about this fine, upstanding young ma… No, you’re totally right.
amen! fuck this fucking fuck. hopefully he’ll be dead soon
Mayock isn’t much better. At least you only have to see Mel 2 months out of the year.
I’m taking the Raiders for 800 they draft this goomba. They might even trade up.
Roll Tide
You’re delusional comparing Cam Newton to Jamarcus Russell. There were no fights with players and coaches, no baby mamas and no strippers in college, by what logic is it that you predict all these things now? “Generally came off like a cocky, arrogant camera whore in love with the sound of his own voice” Take away people like that and there’s no one left in any sports. Not saying I like the guy as a person, but the only people dumber than the ones picking which college qb’s are gonna be great are the ones picking which qb’s are gonna fail. He has the size, the speed, and hasn’t given any reason to think he’ll be a lazy SOB like Jamarcus Russell was.
brianman must be a bills fan…
He would have done better than brady last playoff game….just sayin.
Adding “just sayin” to the end of a stupid comment doesn’t make it any less stupid.
Cam Newton would be a solid pick as a 5th round TE.
you guys all said the fucking same shit about tebow… he was limited this year but hes promising, get off ur high fucking horses
eman21x says:
March 1, 2011 at 11:36 am
I’m kind of thinking if you pick somebody in the 1st round (especially with the money they get) you don’t want promising. you want production
If you don’t think a guy who had to quit Florida before a scandal errupted, then has cheating brought up against him from MSST and a probable FBI investigation at Auburn, then can’t play catch and blames it on SEC speed is enough of a head case for teams to not want to risk giving him $40MM guaranteed.. god help you, brian.
I’d say Fairley played as much of an important role in their close wins as he did. And he did it from the DT position.
eman, tew still sucks.
tebow*
If I’m the GM of an NFL team there is no chance I draft this guy. Jerry’s right, this guy will absolutely end up a bust. How many HOF black QB’s are there compared to RB/WR/Defensive players. Why is this? The discussion of race with NFL QB’s is a good one IMO…
Garbage – Young, Russell, Ware, Peete, Stewart, Jackson, Campbell, Culpepper (sorry, but he sucked – Moss/Carter made him), Blake, Garrard, Batch, Banks, Leak, and the dozens of converted WR’s, and dozens of others that I could list (http://www.bqb-site.com/bqboverall.htm)
Greats – Cunningham, McNabb, Vick, McNair, Moon
Williams (Only one with a SB Trophy)
I said nothing about him being worth $40M, i personally think rookies make way too much and have for awhile. The topic is if he will do well in the NFL. The fact is there won’t ever be as much controversy in his career going forward as there was this past year, you know, where he won the heisman and the national championship, that says a lot. He’s coming out of a spread offense, and has had to make big changes to how he plays, only an idiot would have expected him to be stellar throwing at the combine. As for the SEC comment, he has an ego, show me a heisman winning national champion who doesn’t. I don’t know if he’s going to do great in the NFL, and predicting it is stupid. My point was he’s shown nothing but promise, and hasn’t given any reason to be compared to Jamarcus Russell.
jesus fucking christ. I don’t give a shit about Cam or his skill level, I’m just so fucking sick and tired of seeing his retarded underbite. I want ray lewis to break his jaw just so they can reset it and he won’t look so fucking retarded anymore. Like honestly, I wish his father used that money for some fucking orthodontia for Cam, at least it would have been put to good use that way…
Also Jerry, correct me if i’m wrong but isn’t the purpose of the passing drills to see if the QB can make the throws asked of them, not so much as completing them, at least at this stage of the combine? I mean christ, it seemed like Ryan Mallett was trying to complete passes only to Tom Coughlin in the stands and everyone was sucking his dick over arm strength and how he’s “Doing what he’s supposed to do…”
Tappen out
Brian, it all comes down to intelligence. In fact, Cam is a great comparison to Russell. As both were athletic, big armed, arrogant, BCS title winning QB’s. You can get away with that crap in college football, but once you move on to the big boys game it is an entirely different story. Reading defenses, split second decisions (.5 second difference between throwing a 50 yard TD pass or taking a 15 yard sack, or worse throwing a pick), or being a leader on/off the field. These all take a certain degree of intelligence that IMO, translates to being a successful QB in the NFL. Defenses are so complex in today’s game that if you can’t read them correctly (Manning/Brady/Brees), or don’t have the freakishly athleticism like Vick to escape…you’re time will be short in the league. And don’t forget, memorizing a playbook requires a lot of hard work and smarts. How many times have we heard of OC’s/HC’s having to “dumb” the playbook down for a guy because he scored a 10 on his wonderlic test.
He was great in college because of his size and speed. Nut in the NFL everyone has size and speed. Hes going from running over people to getting run over.
Maybe after he fails to be a QB they can convert him to TE?
He will be a bust. The only thing that will save a team from the Jamarcus shitstorm is the fact that the new CBA (circa 2011) will have in it some type of clause that limits rookie contracts. Rookies from last year’s first round will laugh at the contract SCam will get. The real losers will be the companies that pay him to be an icon for their products when he gets all criminal and shit.
thats all well and good untill the pats take him and all you bitches are kissing his ass and saying what a steal lil’Bill got. FACT!
Neither one of us knows what he got on the wonderlic. He’s not going to be starting as a rookie, so if he’s not a complete idiot, and I don’t think he is, then with good coaching, time and effort he could become great. The main difference between Russell and Newton is Russell was a lazy POS who had no intention of working hard and succeeding, just cashing a check. I saw him play plenty when he was at LSU, he was lazy and overrated there. He was fat coming into the combine too. Newton appears to want to work hard and succeed. So no, there isn’t a comparison. I don’t know if he’ll be great in the NFL, no one will until 2-3 years from now.
Best call of the day goes to
Murray Chadwick says:
March 1, 2011 at 11:33 am
Cam Newton would be a solid pick as a 5th round TE.
I would kill myself if my team wasted a first round pick, or any pick for that matter on him.
Vince Young 2.0
Going to the Raiders in the second round. Semi-Mortal Lockathon.
He looked great against SEC . . . . better then NFC West
Everybody posting appears to be able to predict the future so can I get some stock tips from one of you genius’s. You guys are just so enlightened and clearly have a bright future picking NFL pro bowlers. These NFL scouts clearly dont have any idea what they are doing and haven’t done any research where Cams abilities as a football player are concerned. It’s not its their job to analyze players on a number of different proven and studied criteria. PS you all sound like resentful cock suckers who might as well grab your ankles and take what is coming to you.
HAHAHAHAHA wow every one of you is retarded. You should all be analysts…