You know that feeling you get when some new, fresh, smokeshow actress first comes across your radar? And you’re excited because she’s right in your wheelhouse and you can’t wait for Uncle Buck to post a Wake Up with her or EP to feature her on a Guess That Ass followed by her inevitable movie nude scenes? Well that’s the feeling I got watching the NFL Combine over the weekend. There’s still a couple more days to go in Indy, but I’ve already found my man of the future. My “IT” guy. I’m not talking about the next NFL superstar (you never know that from watching this dog & pony show). I’ve found the guy who’s going to write blogs for me for the foreseeable future: Auburn QB/ Potential 1st Rounder/ Certain Bust Cam Newton.
It’s not like Newton hasn’t been running red flags up the pole for years now. Like when he had to leave Florida for stealing a laptop, then tossed it out a window right in front of the cops. Or the way his old man famously peddled him to other schools for money. But honestly, I couldn’t care less about any of that. The NCAA is the most corrupt organization this side of the Olympic Committee, and to quote Michael Corleone, they and the Newtons are all part of the same hypocrisy. So I think everyone was willing to judge the kid by how he conducted himself from this point forward. And in the few short days since he’s been at the Indianapolis Kennel Show Newton:
*Told SI he sees himself as “more than a football player… an entertainer and an icon.”
*Explained that away by saying “I was making the point that I want to be the best possible ambassador for” Under Armor
*Traveled everywhere surrounded by his own camera crew, who filmed his every move and basically road gradered everyone in their path
*When someone called them his “entourage,” Newton said “That’s not my entourage. That’s my waiting list.”
*After a workout that included impressive measurables, he went through a passing drill in which he completed 11 of 21 throws. That is, just chucking a ball to receivers, with no defenders anywhere.
*Blamed that performance on “timing,” saying he’s only used to throwing to guys with SEC speed.
*And worst of all, referred to himself in the 3rd person, including this existential gem: “With Cam Newton or without, the NFL will be.”
*Generally came off like a cocky, arrogant camera whore in love with the sound of his own voice.
So there’s no escaping it. Unless every instinct in my body is wrong, this is a trainwreck about to happen. There’s no stopping it. Newton came barreling out of the tunnel this weekend at full steam, around the bend the bridge is out and there’s no way he can jam on the brakes in time. And for the next 10 years or by the time he gets Jamarcussed out of the league (whichever comes first), Cam Newton is going to be one blog-worthy story after another. Fights with teammates, getting coaches fired, baby mamas, OUIs, banging hip hop chicks, and strip joint rainstorms that are the stuff of Roger Goodell’s worst nightmares. Too bad the Jets aren’t looking for a QB, but he’ll fit right in in Cincinnati or Dallas. I can’t wait. @jerrythornton1