NESN – After five Super Bowl appearances since 2001, it’s safe to say the New England Patriots aren’t the most popular team in the United States. After all, Bill Belichick and Tom Brady have set a new bar for success that many teams in the NFL haven’t been able to live up to. But the Patriots are still getting support outside of New England. Very, very far away from New England in fact. In a recent poll of nearly 1,400 Chinese football fans, the Patriots were voted the most popular NFL team. New England received 366 votes, with the next closest team as the Green Bay Packers with only 200 votes. Instead of Robert Kraft’s plan to play NFL games in London, maybe the Patriots should start looking to play a game in China. Apparently, they would have a home crowd thousands of miles away from Gillette Stadium.
How many more times do I have to spell it out for you people before you’ll wake up and smell the ginseng? The Chinese are coming and they’re bringing all Hell with them. I admit this sounds innocent enough. The Pats are already the most popular team in North America and the most popular team in Europe. Why shouldn’t they be the most popular team in Asia as well? I’ll tell you why: because the Chinese are up to no good, that’s why. I mean, this is right out of Sun Tzu: “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” Well the Chinese have no bigger enemy than us. And what better way to know us than to learn everything they can about the most beloved team in our No. 1 league? French historian Jacques Barzan once said “Whoever wants to know the heart and mind of America had better learn baseball.” Which was all well and good in the 1930s. In the 21st century, America is all about your New England Patriots, and the Chinese have figured that out. So while we sit here fat and happy, stuffing ourselves with pork rinds, pounding PBRs and watching Synchronized Diving, the Red Menace is over there studying Belichick’s tactics, taking lessons from Mr. Kraft’s business savvy and probably cloning an army of Bradys in a government lab somewhere. And I feel like the scientist in every Sci-fi movie warning the public about the threat but no one will listen to me. Well when they take over the country, and it’s the Chinese bedding all our Giseles, Linda Hollidays and Ricki Noel Landers, remember the three men who told you so: Sen. Joe McCarthy, Eric Cartman and Jerry Thornton.