SEOUL, South Korea — That’s right. Large-breasted women are so discriminated against in North Korea they try to shrink or hide their boobs in order to boost their social standing, according to the South Korean daily JoongAng Ilbo as cited by Korea watcher Robert Koehler.  North Korea’s patriarchal society apparently views nature’s generosity with suspicion, defectors told JoongAng Ilbo. The bigger your breasts, the more likely you’ll be considered a slut, the women reportedly said, because you’re seen as strutting your stuff — as if morality determines that development. Imagine their shock when they escape to find themselves the envy of all their smaller-breasted friends. What? Big boobs are good? GlobalPost’s senior correspondent for East Asia, Geoffrey Cain, says that North Korea is trailing behind trends that are more popular elsewhere in the region.

 

Really, North Korea? You’re unhinged psychos when it comes to tits too? There is certain stuff I can let go, like saying your leader is responsible for sunshine; forcing people to mourn or throwing them in jail; unsanctioned missile launches; starving your citizens to the point that they have to eat their own children. But discriminating against lovely, luscious breasts? Now you’ve crossed the line, Jung-un.

And there is a huge flaw in your reasoning. Big tits don’t automatically mean a girl is a slut. That’s preposterous. I know plenty of girls with aggressively large sweater hams that haven’t seen a dick in ages. Sluts are sluts because they’re sluts. No rhyme or reason. I mean what are you guys all gaybos over there? Hate chicks with big tits that put out? Pssh. You can keep trying to intimidate everyone with your fancy rockets, but I promise you this: nobody is gonna take you seriously as long as you’re scared of tits. That’s a fact.