The Romneys Handle Defeat By Getting Sloshed On Chocolate Milk
DM -- Mitt Romney saw his White House dreams turn to dust last night – and responded by surrounding himself with his beloved family. This morning he was pictured relaxing with his children and grandchildren near his headquarters in Boston, finally relieved of the burden of campaigning which he has carried with him for five years. The family was also apparently enjoying a gallon of chocolate milk – a favorite treat for the Mormon clan, whose faith bars them from drinking alcohol or caffeine.
Maybe I’m a simpleton, and I very well may be, but this kills me. Just the whole Romney clan sitting around the living room passing around a gallon of chocolate milk like it’s a bottle of whiskey. It’s an Irish wake only the exact opposite. Willard just chilling in his suit and tie saying “Heya Tagg, could you pass the TruMoo? Better make it the Whole. We’re drinking to forget tonight.” So crazy it hurts.
PS – Romney has had Secret Service this whole time, right? So did they all just leave for good this morning? Must have been the most awkward goodbye of all time. “Well, Mitt it looks like you’ll be needing us never. Don’t call. Don’t write. You’re a loser and I’m better off without you.”
What are they the fucking McPoyles? Wait don’t answer that.
Chocolate milk is good shit!
Something tells me he rolled around in a pile of money bigger than 99.99999999999999999999999999999% of your readers will ever earn in an entire lifetime. Just saying.
Combined
He has secret service because he is the former fucking Governor of Massachusetts.
I was going to riot if he won, because that’s what us blacks do.
Chocolate milk has caffeine in it…
@King, Don’t forget loot and shoot emergency personel.
; )
fxckin mormons
Drinking chocolate milk to ease away the pain is the least crazy thing mormons do.
we are all fucked
Nailed it @Kingblackdude…. We should all be thankful that Obama won so the brothas only rioted in their own neighborhoods, rather than our white neighborhoods like they would have if Romney had won.
will romney move back to belmont? curious where he spends his time moving forward without a campaign to worry about.
What the fuck? I just got a refund for my Fuckin Foam Portland Ticket? I appreciate getting my money back but I want a goddamned explanation jewbag.
@chicagomatt – governors, current or former do not get secret service protection. Romney only began receiving it soon after it was obvious he would be the Republican nominee, sometime around July, mid-Primaries. I think the rule is 4 months before the election.
Clinton, when president in 1997, signed a bill into law limiting the secret service protection on former presidents to 10 years after leaving office.
Romney’s detail ends about a week from now after the campaign and election frenzy settle down.
Maria menunous and Maria stephanos should scissor
Maria menunous and Maria stephanos should scissor
Chocolate milk and a nicely pressed shirt and tie for breakfast, dude knows how to party
Good way to end today… A lot better than yesterday that’s for damn sure.
Someone needs to tell these cuntbags that there is caffeine in chocolate. It’s a small amount but enough to make Mormons shit their magic underwear for breaking their holy ways.
Put some salt in chocolate milk. Will blow your fucking mind.
Feitleberg you my friend are a real loser.
I appreciate how Tom Brady’s left nut left us that fraction of a percent. Hey, you never know
Thank God this man didn’t become president. Seems nice and all but you can’t trust a man who can’t drink a beer with you, let alone not at least have a God damn Coca-Cola. Cult nation out there in Utah
“Don’t call. Don’t write. You’re a loser and I’m better off without you.” – Your readers
What Swan Killer said Feitleberg. You suck.
Don’t listen to the haters, Fetaljuice. Not the “you’re a fag and you suck” stuff, they’re right about that, I mean about this blog. Credit where credit is due, it was funny as shit. Oh, and you’re a fag and you suck.
very very sad
I never would have thought that the Romney’s lived right next to a Home Depot.
Romney drinks YooHoo and shits Benjamins. Welcome to 4 more years of crap.
They neglected to mention that it was heavily laced with bath salts.
sorry that is the fake blackdude there