The HeraldPolice on the hunt for the Plaistow, N.H., couple wanted for two weeks on child abuse charges finally caught up to the on-the-lam lovers yesterday, arresting them as they took in a parade at Universal Studios in Orlando — all while the 3-year-old boy they’re accused of leaving burned and beaten sat in a hospital bed, authorities said. “I find it very sad that these two were located in an area designed to bring joy and happiness to children,” New Hampshire-based U.S. Marshal David L. Cargill Jr. said of Jessica Linscott, 23, and her boyfriend, Roland Dow, 27. U.S. marshals swooped in on the unsuspecting couple about 6 p.m., just as “they finished watching a parade and were heading back toward (the) attractions area,” authorities said. Linscott, who is facing multiple counts of child endangerment, and Dow, who is also facing first- and second-degree assault charges, spent the night in an Orange County jail

For a long time now, I’ve been starting to suspect that I have no idea how to play the game of life.  My Darling Irish Rose and I have two kids.  Between us we work like 6 jobs.  We pay our bills and try not to be over mortgaged and drive older model cars.  But I can’t shake the feeling that the people who do none of those things are having way more fun than we are.  And no story in recent memory has driven that point home for me quite like this one.

For the past year I’ve been looking into taking My Beloved and the little ThornTones to Universal Orlando.  We did Disney 5 years ago (here’s the blog I wrote about it that trip where I invented the term “Handifat”) and literally we have not been on a plane since.  They’re old enough now for all the Universal rides like the giant coasters and such.  Plus they grew up with me reading Harry Potter books to them and watching the movies and my buddy from work says that new Hogwarts world park they have is insanely good.  The problem is the frigging park passes are like $160 a day, times 4.  Plus airfare and hotel and lost income from taking time off from work.  I’d be looking at thousands of dollars for what amounts to a long weekend of fighting crowds and standing in lines.  I just can’t shake the idea that it’d be too extravagant or get my mother’s voice out of my head telling me I should save the money and take everyone to a nice weekend in Maine instead. It’s the curse of the responsible adult.

But if you’re Roland Dow, you don’t have to worry about it.  Just beat the crap out of your son, burn him, pawn him off on the children’s ICU of the local hospital and off you go.  So he’s down in Florida watching the Shrek parade and getting head from Jessica Linscott under a palm tree and I’m up here trying to figure out how to pay for my kid’s braces.  Like I said, I suck at life. @JerryThornton1

PS.  These two child-beating apes don’t know jack squat about evading capture.  A parade is the perfect place for a Fugitive to ditch the US Marshalls: