This Is Going To Get So Awkward
The best part about this blog is that I’m being 100% dead serious when I say I’m going to go to this celebrity auction and just buy the shit out of Heidi Watney. Not joking in the least. Just sit in the crowd with my Bieber Gold Mask on bidding my ass off. Probably won’t take the mask off either. Not during the event, after I win the auction or on the date. I just somehow picture this ending with me fucking Heidi in a moon walk, Revenge of the Nerds style and when she finally demands I take it off she sees it’s me and falls madly in love. Project Cupid for the win!
PS – I’m not joking that I’m going to do this.
Send pics…if u rock the Bieber mask u will go instant LEGEND!!!!
Yeah I’m sure she’ll be in a great mood with a busted clavicle.
If there isn’t a video blog to go along with this it’ll be an absolute shame.
Prez is gonna be like that Teachers Assistant in Road Trip bidding on Amy Smart. Do I hear $500? YES YES, RIGHT HERE, $500!!! Going once, going twice, SOLD to anyone but Prez for $450!
I hope you are prepared to drop some big time cash. Charity events for the Jimmy Fund and Dana Farber Institute aint no joke.
sales guy better film the entire evening.
A date with Heidi.. and at least 3 bodyguards, I’m sure! Still will sell for more the $10G, I’ll bet.
This auction needs to be on video.
How much are you going to bid, pres? Seriously. I’m bringing an empty check
GO PREZ!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT YOU WERE BORN TO DO BROTHER!!!!!
You don’t have jenna marbles money there is no way you win this bid. Are you going to take the article that said the stool was worth 2 mill to use as collateral? Dana farber will be new owners of stool but I bet their swag will be better
You’re not funny
You are such a creep. How does your wife stand it? That’s right – you fuck her with that big schnoz of yours instead of your dick.
A+++++
@missinglink22: speaking of the schnoz, how the hell is he going to fit it behind the Bieber mask?
there will be some SERIOUS money dropped on this. I’d pay $500 just to smell her.
I’m sure there’ll be a picture of you at the door to prevent you from getting in…
DISCLAIMER: Kindly be advised that participation in Project Cupid’s Charity Date Auction is strictly voluntary. The winning bidder will receive the allotted dining and/or gift package at the time of payment. Kindly note that Bachelors and Bachelorettes are at liberty to refuse a date with a winning bidder for any reason. Such a decision is outside of the control of Project Cupid or any person affiliated with Project Cupid, including The Jimmy Fund, Inc. and its employees. By making payment and accepting the winning items, you agree to indemnify Project Cupid, any person affiliated with Project Cupid, including volunteers, The Jimmy Fund and its employees from any liability, whether financial or legal in nature.
They call this “The Portnoy rule”
You have a better chance of fucking the big chicken. It’d be cheaper too.
DBM’s got a point, chickens don’t mind hands/dicks probing thier cavities for a minute or two.
(or so I’ve heard)
Prez-No dissrespect as your net worth is $2.1M. John Dennis is going to crush you in the bidding. You had better announce a bunch of new black out parties before the auction then cancel them!
Prez, start a fundraiser on “the stool” to raise more money to bid with… I’d like to help out the cause
Shovel, you would really donate money to a 35 year old blogger so he can bid on, and not succeed in getting, a date? On a scale of 1-10, how happy were your parents when you got that Bunker Hill Community acceptance letter?
Please do this. Please bukkake her. Please record all of it.
It’s all in good fun. Does Bunker Hill CC turn people down? My parents were probably a solid 3 about the acceptance. They didn’t really care, they weren’t gonna pay for it. So I ended up going to the Univ. of Delaware… Hi, I’m in Delaware
If prez was smart he’d auction of dates with all of the former smokes… Jus sayin
If prez was smart he’d auction of dates with all of the former smokes… Jus sayin
restraining order coming your way