This could be you. If you got a horrible look we want to help. Dana just won a free makeover from Miltons. Dana send us an email and we’ll set you all up to get treated like a king.
Send all sob stories to email@example.com or firstname.lastname@example.org and help us help you. And you need to send pictures! If you sent an email without a picture resend with one to be considered.
This Weeks’s Winner
This is our friend Dana from Stonehill. Let’s just say that Dana is a
fucking mess. Once the captain of the high school basketball team, soon
after the season was over, Dana started hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Beer and calzone. The kid put on nearly 80 pounds between February to
August, its got so bad that most local sub shops know his name and
already have his order ready before he calls. He just really does not
have his shit together at all, and we feel at fault for it. We constantly
either peer pressure or support his decisions to make us laugh by being
kicked in the balls for 40 bucks, eating a stick of butter, eating a
bakers dozen of dog treats, and countless other dumb shit he’s done for
money or just to make us lauugh. The first time we saw him over the
summer at a party he wore only a jockstrap and covered himself in blue
body paint, and that right there sums up Dana.
Granted, if Dana was to win this contest there is no doubt in my mind he
would immediately spill blue cheese or any dressing on the new clothes he
got, but the kid deserves a chance. So please, El Pres, we beg you, look
in your heart and give Dana some help, he needs all the help he can get.
Or at least throw him a few bucks for a calzone