(SmokingGun) Three 13-year-old boys are facing armed robbery charges in connection with the knifepoint robbery of condoms and candy from a Walgreens store in Wisconsin. The trio was nabbed after boarding a municipal bus to make their getaway Friday night from the pharmacy in Madison, according to police. Cops reported that the boys, whose names were withheld due to their ages, were confronted by a manager when he spotted them trying to boost the candy. After following the trio outside the Walgreens, the man told police, “at least two, and maybe all three, of the boys brandished knives.” Additionally, one of the teens threw a stolen $15 package of condoms at the store manager, while another boy shouted, “Don’t you call the (expletive) police!” After collaring the boys, cops recovered three steak knives from the young suspects. One boy said he carried a knife for protection, while another claimed to have been “cutting food earlier and had forgotten he had left the blade in his pocket.”

I don’t see what the problem is here? When I was about 15 I used to steal condoms all the time. Pretty much every time I walked into a convenience store I’d grab a pack. I certainly didn’t need them or use them, I just wanted the seniors to think I was cool for having condoms. I would slip them in my backpack and walk around campus like I was a goddamn Planned Parenthood clinic. It was cool as shit until like a year later when my dad found a stash of condoms that would give the Pope a heart attack. And to make it even more awkward he wasn’t mad, he was proud. Happy I was “being safe.” You know how hard it is for a kid to tell his proud father that he’s actually not fucking and is just some freak who hoards stolen rubbers like he’s a doomsday prepper? Worst car ride of my entire life.

So although these kids may not realize it yet, it’s a good thing they got caught. Better to nip the problem in the bud before you got a stack of prophylactics so high that you’re using Trojans to jerkoff just so you can get rid of them.

PS – “I forgot it there after dinner” is just about the best excuse you can give after getting caught with a knife in your pocket.