Tiger, Tiger, Woods Ya All!

TMZ- Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol — that should happen this afternoon. But we’re told Tiger had a conversation Friday — with a non-law enforcement type — detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant. We’re told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We’re told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV — but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club. We’re told Woods became “distracted,” thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree. TMZ spoke with Rachel Uchitel, the woman the National Enquirer named as Woods’ mistress. She said she has met Tiger before, but never had sex with him. She claims the “sources” that spoke to the Enquirer were each paid $25,000 for their story. Sources tell TMZ Woods and his wife, Elin Nordegren, were arguing over the alleged affair right before Tiger’s accident yesterday.

Now this makes more sense. Because I don’t know about you but I wasn’t buying that whole Tiger was just pulling out of his driveway and somehow smashed into a fire hydrant and then drove into a tree bullshit. I mean it’s pretty fucking hard to get in that big of a wreck unless you’re like still sleeping or totally shitfaced. So this much more like it. He got busted sticking his dick in some other chick and his wife roughed him up and then attacked him as he tried to escape. I’m just disappointed that I didn’t call this the second it happened.   Because in hindsight it was pretty obvious.

Bottom-line is that Tiger Woods just doesn’t know how to handle hot bitches. He probably never even touched a tit until he made his first million. Like you’re Tiger Woods dude. You can fuck whoever you want whenever you want. You’re wife complains about it? Tell her to suck your dick or get a divorce. That’s how it works. I mean obviously you’re going to cheat on her! What did she expect was going to happen when she got pregnant and shit?   Sure Elin Nordegren is hot but who cares?   There are way more hot chicks in the world than there are bizillionaires.   So stop crashing into fire hydrants like a little pussy and learn how to control your woman.   I guess they don’t teach this shit in the golf/chess club growing up.

PS – I love this Rachel Uchitel chick. (Tiger’s slut on the side) So apparently she’s denying that she is having an affair with Tiger. But she did admit she was in Melbourne during the Australian Open. Claims she was just entertaining clients whatever that means. Don’t you fucking love the balls on this chick? Come on honey! The gig is up! Just admit it. You’re fucking the money stick. I ain’t mad at you, but spare me the righteous indignation. I mean entertaining clients? Umm don’t you need to have a job first to do that? I mean I’d love to give her the benefit of the doubt and say she was just a high priced whore but whores don’t travel overseas for the Australian Open.  Maybe the Olympics or the Superbowl, but that’s about it.