(Does this look like a man who needs to be rescued?)

InsideTrack - Tom Brady [stats] and Gisele Bundchen caused quite a splash at Community Boating Inc . on Beacon Hill the other day when the New England Patriots [team stats] QB/QT flipped his rented kayak and had to be fished out of the Charles River! “They got wet,” said Someone Who Was There. “But they seemed to have a great time.”According to our spies, Tom and Gi rented a pair of kayaks from the sailing club behind the Hatch Shell and the Community Boating bunch got them loaded in and on their way. At some point, however, Tom tipped over and couldn’t get back in the boat!“ He had to be rescued,” said our spy. “The launch guy went out and got him and got him back in the kayak. He’s been bragging about it ever since. He’s telling everyone he rescued Tom Brady.” A spokesman for Community Boating confirmed that the couple had rented kayaks on Sunday but declined to provide any more deets.

This story makes no sense on like 9 thousand different levels. First of all are we really supposed to believe that Tom Brady and Gisele rented Kayaks from Community Boating at the Hatch Shell? Isn’t that where like underprivileged kids and homeless people go during the summer? So no fucking way a 3 time superbowl champion and his supermodel wife are renting kayaks from there and rowing on the Charles. Trust me If they wanted to go kayaking they’d fucking rent a superjet that people didn’t even know existed and fly to the French Riviera to do it. Second of all Tom Brady doesn’t flip kayaks.  It just doesn’t happen.  Guy is a stud athlete. I mean I’m pretty sure you could drop Brady in the middle of the Perfect Storm and he could stand up, take a piss against the wind and still not get a drop of water on him. So this notion that he couldn’t handle the Charles River is ridiculous . And finally as if the first two parts of this story weren’t crazy enough we’re also led to believe Brady needed to be rescued after he fell in? Isn’t he from a family of Olympic swimmers? If not he should be.

Bottom-line is that you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to figure out what really happened here. Tom and Gisele were simultaneously hang gliding/fucking over Boston when Brady spotted a little boy in distress in the Charles. He swooped in from the clouds and saved the kid dropping him safely at the Hatch Shell without ever missing a pump in Gisele. The people at Community Boating Center so desperate for business in these lean economic times twist the story around saying that Brady was actually the kayaker in trouble figuring if people hear that he kayaks then they’ll get a ton of new business this summer. And to think the plan almost worked. Luckily for us you got to wake up pretty early to fool the Pres even when I have mono.