Top 5 Small Office Hoorays
I’ve almost been removed from cubeville for 8 years now, but I still remember it like it was yesterday. Just dialing for dollars at Yankee Group. A time when little office hoorays were the difference between winning and losing the day. I posed this question on twitter the other day. What are the 5 biggest small office hoorays you can get in cubeville. Here is what I came up with.
1. Coming in Late To Work And Your Boss Isn’t In Yet
Can’t beat it. You had a late night. You’re tired. You’re scrambling to get into work. You’re already making fake excuses in your head. Just getting your game face on and then you walk in and your boss isn’t there. Win.
2. Finding a killer pen
I don’t care what anybody says. Pens matter. Always have always will. Like when you find a smooth writing pen it’s almost fun to be at work.
3. Getting free food from a meeting you weren’t in.
Is there anything better than when Accounting or some other group has a meeting and orders food and they have left overs and put it in the kitchen? Can’t beat it. It’s the best of both worlds. You didn’t have to sit in the meeting, but you still got it for free.
4. Office Internet Goes Down
Here’s an adult recess for you to enjoy. While the local geek squad is in dismay, frantically punching keys, abusing their mouses and playing with wires, feel free to kick your feet up and relax. There’s nothing like a mid-workday sanctioned power nap.
5. Taking clients out on the company tab
This is the mecca of freebies. It’s high rolling without high rolling. Oak Room? Yes please. Oh you have a Wagyu Tomahawk Steak for 7? I’ll take it for one. Reserve wine list? Obviously. Open tap all night in VIP room full of smokes. Just doing my job.
What am I missing on this list? Have I been out of cubeville so long that there are new office hoorays I don’t know about? Or is it same old same old?
Nothing beats getting first shit on the can after the cleaning crew freshens up the bathrooms. A little tear forms every time i see that freshly cleaned blue water waiting for me in the toilet bowl.
Had a good thing going a few years back…. at a previous job…
Sitting in your chair and the middle aged horny miserably married woman with huge tits walks up behind you to ask a question and point to your computer screen…. and shes literally shoves her tits behind your head. She knows you like it, you have an unspoken agreement she can come over and do that whenever you want. She always wore the sluttiest smelling stripper perfume.
I am still pissed she got laid off!
Add in: meeting your girlfriend/wife for lunch and getting a nice blowjob in the Panera Bread parking lot and then going back to work.
nothin like when you grope tara in accounting, but she can’t say anything about it because you know she stole inventory from the company. am i right? am i right?!
6. El Pres and fellow commenters have a great day so I can have a few laughts
Lol best blog in a while you’re missing
6. Fucking the hot chick in the office and no one knows about it, and they all obsess about her
7. free fucking shitty blackberry, zero monthly bills is where it’s at, 8 years ago, blackberry were the SHIT!
8. Ordering shit to your building so you don’t have to worry about your package getting stolen at home
9. Stealing office supplies for your fake life office at your house, always cool when you an endless supply of printer paper
10. I dont do this, but stealing toilet paper for your house, not sure why pple do this for 1 ply paper, shit is like
11. free fucking coffee everyday, some Keurig cups homie, i know pple who steal those too
slow day at the stool I see…
As a tribute to the picture you used.
Hey Lawrence, at your work does anyone ever call something free a ” hooray”
No, no man. Shit no. I believe you’d get your ass kicked if you said something like that.
Any conference call getting cancelled at any time for any reason.
black dude you are so poor and black
Dipping at your desk.
Business trips/seminars (aka all-expenses paid vacation).
Yo @wilburham dick wade, i don’t steal shit, i know i make more money than you chump
Not confined to a cube but I’d imagine that waking up dead has to rank pretty high on the list.
how much u make black dude
and yes dipping at your desk is the best
pretty solid list Pres, dont listen to blackdude, half of those aren’t really ‘hoorays’ not that I know what that means. Like ordering shit to your office is cool and all, but is it like a nice surprise on a shitty day at work? nope
One thing I would add is just coming in in general and your boss is on vacation but you either didn’t know that or forgot
when you find out your new intern is smoking hot.
Being 20 and getting hit on by your 70 year old co-worker who doesn’t realize that she’s old enough to be your grandmother. And doesn’t realize that she’s 70. Wait that’s a bad thing…
Joining golf league to leave at 3:30, smoke cigars and drink beer all afternoon while all the other shmoes toil in their cubes. Best part is all the managers are in the leaugue.
You forgot the individual bathroom that I can beat off in, right on the seat.
That will teach all of you that dont make a landing pad when you shit.
Figures Blackdude’s favorite thing is stealing, real shocker there.
Agreed Harry, working in a small office and having the ability to dip at your leisure is fantastic. I would like to add that I work in a small office, and have an office. I don’t even know what a cubicle feels like. Also, at least for me, there are no blocked sites on my computer.
#1 is spot on! Love that shit
I was gonna joke about how 5 out of 6 things blackdude likes is about theft of free shit, but I’m already late to that party.
6. When pres posts a blog before 10AM
Good list. Best of all time was screwing the hot front desk secretary with huge guns my first week at a new job and then forced to keep it on the down low because the managers and owner of the company had been desperately trying to boff her for years. Getting to laugh every time seeing them trying to get her to put out every day made the cube farm bearable. Barely.
Open up a bunch of previously finished excel sheets, put the right hand on the mouse, prop your head up with your left arm, and wallah…naptime
Hands down the #1 perk of my soul-crushing job has to be the Corporate AMEX card. Getting clients out to nice lunches, ball games or golf on a Friday is the only thing that keeps me sane. If it wasn’t for the Corporate AMEX I would have gone HAM on everyone at my job 5 years ago.
Typical Jew, gets excited for leftover free food, what a fag.
What do you call a Jewish Fag?
- A Heblew
The day you get an office with a door you can shut, setting you above the other cube monkeys, and allowing you the opportunity to power nap and beat off ( not necessarily in that order) onto the company rug, knowing the illegal immigrant Haitian cleaning lady will be the one that has to worry about it that night.
we have a keg
Wow, buncha lady killers on here. Everyone fucked the hot chick at work that everyone if after.
wilburham, more than you cunt
@Dino Bravo – sweet fake life bro
Finding out you have an office crush, and then finding out she loves anal after you take her out. Can’t beat it. A big office job is just an invitation to fuck coworkers on the clock. Had an ex stripper at one job, beat face, but 10 body. Great stall dancer. One MILF who was DTF all the time, and one broad who was again, totally into anal. 3 great gigs. Small office now, and it sucks.
Any group meeting to discuss company policies/HR/Benefits… Just an hour of sitting there doing nothing but flirting.
black dude how much??
how much YOU make wilburham?
wilburham, more than you and HI Kris10 , miss you on twitter
@jburt1984 Just dropped a quick 15-minuter.. walked into an empty bathroom with seats up, blue water, and fresh aromas filling the air. Tears to my face with that first comment
kris10 I own my own business so it depends really, but i put most of the money back into it. BLACKDUDE how much??
oh HI will… I despise twitter, really annoys the shit outta me so I don’t use it.
Free food in any capacity wins.
that sucks Kris10, i still love ya
wilburham, if you own your own business and comment on the stool ALL FUCKING DAY, your business is a shitty one ,or its ran by a shitty person such as yourself, so you probably make 20k a year chump
ogletorpe, win. if barstool started writing blogs @ 8:30AM and killed neil my quality of life would improve tenfold.
Feel like Stro needs to weigh in on this one…
I have absolutely no doubt that wilburham makes more than black dude. Black dude is, well, black not to mention an illiterate troll who didn’t have a fair chance at a legitimate education.
@Crosby and Harry. Any of y’all rednecks from Mississippi?
Black dude…the post says “office hoorays”, not “UPS distribution center hoorays.” Pipe down.
Love when you gotta do something off site. If you finish early, you dont go back to the office, you go home. If you start the day with it, you get to wake up late.
Office “Hoorays” and a Red Stripe Beer Banner Ad with HOORAY all over it…. well done hooknose killah.
“black dude you are so poor and black” comment of the century, so simple and true yet so hilarious, will i am not stealing toilet paper and worrying about his packages being stollen in front of his section 8 housing project
I used to work for a distributor. Vendors would shower us with breakfast, lunch, dinner, drinks, raffles, prizes, spiffs, etc. Nothing better than your boss telling you you won the $5k drawing in some contest you didn’t know you were in.
Hahahahaha love the hate towards the spook… AMERICA
so which one is the best? apparently “you cant beat” all the things on the list.
Having to call someone and getting their voicemail. Fucking skittles man
When the wife of the guy you hate in the cube next to you gets cancer and he does a lot of quiet weeping until his work performance suffers and he gets fired. Awesome small office hurray right there.
Chef makes lunch that’s free, breakfast is free (fresh fruit, cereal, bagels, oatmeal), last but not least, the beer fridge. Oh and the in office gym.
Bukkakesuprise, that is priceless. I also like giving the boss aids and getting it blamed on the office fag
All about the free meeting food. I worked for a company that was doing well, execs on the 6th floor had lunch meetings EVERY DAY and apparently couldn’t figure the portions out. Free pizza/sandwiches daily. Fucking magical.
Boss leaves early and one of your buddies is temporarily put in charge. Absolutely no work gets done.