The UKA man plotted to kill his adoptive parents with the help of a friend he met on the internet, a court has heard. Christopher Monks, 24, wanted Shaun Skarnes to murder his parents Christopher and Elizabeth Monks while they slept and then perform an extreme sex act on him… The bisexual pair are alleged to have hatched the plot after meeting on an internet site about “Furries” – people who pretend to be animal characters and share sexual role-playing fantasies… Monks had talked about his sexual desire for his penis to be bitten off in online chatroom discussions… “It may seem extreme that he wanted his penis bitten off, but there is ample evidence from websites he visited and conversations with Shaun Skarnes that this was a deeply held interest and one he found sexually stimulating. It seems that Skarnes was to receive no money for killing Mr and Mrs Monks but the prospect of biting off Monks’ penis. This was the climactic act of the conspiracy.”

It’s funny how love and fate seem so intertwined, isn’t it? And how the miracle that is the internet plays such a part in bringing perfect couples together. Sometimes you get two people with the same name meeting on Facebook. Other times you get the world’s only murderous, bisexual Furry who fantasizes about having his penis bitten off meeting the world’s only murderous, bisexual Furry who fantasizes about biting off a penis. Leaving the attempted patricide aside for a minute, it’s kind of romantic. Usually you get money changing hands for a thing like this, but there’s something untainted and pure about a guy killing his boyfriend’s parents just for the love of having a severed penis in his mouth. As a side note, I never suspected that people who like to dress up as foxes and ocelots and aardvarks or whatever would also be into unusual sex practices, but as Joaquin Andujar once said, “There’s just one word for it: you never know.” Hopefully these two crazy kids can put this legal stuff behind them and get back to normal because the romantic in me thinks they were just meant to be together.