MESA, AZ - Two East Valley high school students were forced to hold hands in front of their classmates as punishment this week for fighting. Now that punishment is drawing criticism. The students at Westwood High in Mesa were apparently given the option to hold hands instead of being suspended. “Kids were laughing at them and calling them names asking, ‘Are you gay?’” said student Brittney Smyers, who saw the punishment play out at the school earlier this week. “It was funny,” said student Mickey Shull. “I’ve been in ROTC and it’s no different than some of the stuff you have to do there. It works.”

Not really sure what these kids were thinking when they chose to sit in the middle of the school and hold hands over a suspension. Being suspended is obviously awesome. Your parents are mad at you for a grand total of 10 minutes then you get a mini-vacation where you get to watch 4 episodes of SportsCenter a day and not have to go to class. Way better than annihilating your street cred for your high school career. When you come back from a suspension it’s like you’re returning from an archaeological dig. Everyone is crazy interested to hear about all the adventures you went on and what you did during your leave of absence. You instantly become king of the school. But if you have to have a bro hand holding session during lunch? Pretty much the most uncool thing you could possibly do. It’s social suicide and no matter what the commercials tell you, it doesn’t get better.