Usain Bolt Is A Pussy…Sara The Cheetah Smashs His 100 Meter Record
Yahoo.com – Usain Bolt may get his share of million-dollar jackpots for being a world champ sprinter, but he’s got nothing on 8-year-old Sarah. The Cincinnati Zoo’s cheetah ambassador just beat the 2001 land-speed world record for mammals. A male cheetah in South Africa covered 100 meters in 6.19 seconds. Sarah didn’t beat that just once, but twice: She first clocked in at 6.16 seconds and then 6.13 seconds—which, by the way, bested Bolt’s August sprint by more than 3 seconds.
Take that Usain Bolt! This Cheetah not only smashed your pussy little record but she made it look easy. Almost too easy. In fact it wouldn’t suprsise me if it turned out she had a dick just like that other chick sprinter who everybody knew was man. Because I haven’t seen anything move that fast since watching old tape of myself in C squad football. The only difference is I could stop on a dime and this Cheetah needed like 5 seconds to turn around.
PS – Did people see what I did here? Everybody and their grandmother has been emailing me the article about that chick sprinter who is really a man. I didn’t want to dedicate an entire blog to it because I considered it old news. I mean I didn’t need some test to confirm she was a dude. I already knew that. So I use a different story to come back and tie it all together. An that my friends is why Covers pays me the big bucks.
im an alchoholic who lives paycheck to paycheck and has nothing better to do than refresh the stool all day. all i wanted was a “thanks to sean for the tip” and i cant even get that. fuck.
EP –
lets put things in perspective .. u wrote a paragraph about a fucking cheetah, and then proceeded to pat yourself on the back
you are a douche
that was one sexy ass cheetah! the fun is in the chase gentlemen
[...] [Barstool Sports] [...]
Rosa Acosta can shit in my mouth anytime
Want another tip? Al Davis just traded his 2012 first-round pick to the Cincinnati Zoo for Sara the Cheetah.
“Semenya’s father, Jacob, expressed anger when contacted by The Associated Press on Friday, saying people who insinuate his daughter is not a woman “are sick. They are crazy.” Listen Dad YOUR SHE IS A HE OR AN IT FOR CHRIST SAKES!!!! “The tests reportedly show that Semenya has no uterus or ovaries, and that she has three times more testosterone than a normal woman. = YOU ARE A DUDE, DUDE – FUCKING GET OVER IT AND START RUNNING WITH THE BIG BOYS!
I’d hit it.
Your pAL
Lester Burnham
@guyfromahs
It’s not a bad trade. Although she has no hands, Sara the Cheetah does have great instincts.
She won’t make many catches but she’s going to draw a lot of pass interference calls.