Yahoo – In hindsight, there were early hints that Boston’s citywide challenge to collectively lose one million pounds in a year faced slim odds. In June, a mere two months after the challenge began, the city kicked off “Fitness on the Plaza,” a series of free exercise classes for the citizenry to work off its blubber. But the same week in the same place—City Hall Plaza—Boston tempted the sweet tooth by hosting the annual “Scooper Bowl,” billed as the nation’s largest all-you-can-eat ice-cream festival, offering delicacies from Rockin’ Poppin’ Cotton Candy to Hunka Chunka PB Fudge. ”A little mixed messaging,” concedes Nick Martin, spokesman for the Boston Public Health Commission, which is now doing some navel-gazing into why Bostonians have shed just 74,597 pounds with only a few months to go until the deadline. Boston is among the many cities and states around the country doing a gut check these days as they examine the dismal results of mass weight-loss challenges.

 

Dammit. So close. Just shy 925,403 lbs. Photo finish if I’ve ever seen one.

How do they even monitor this shit anyway? They have it down to the exact pound for fucks sake. There must be like a test pool right? A group of tools who signed up to get weighed every week or something? Either way it’s stupid. If people want to be fat then people have every right to be fat pieces of shit and eat themselves into an early grave. That’s what America is all about. Freedom of choice. So are they gonna just sweep this gigantic failure of health under the rug and pretend like it never happened? Oh actually we were just kidding about that million pounds thing. You thought we were serious? Haha. Nah dude we were just fucking around. We meant like a million pounds, eventually…

Get out of my kitchen Beacon Hill! You’re the idiots who threw the world’s largest all you can eat ice cream festival the same week you told us to start getting in shape. What are you fucking retarded? Yes. Yes you are.