DM Nine middle school boys were suspended after they masterbated during an English class while watching porn on their cell phones. The incident took place in May at San Diego’s public Bell Middle School and even though the teacher was reportedly told by other students that the boys were masterbating at the time, the teacher supposedly let them off with a warning. It was only after a different administrator was told about the incident after the fact that the nine boys were suspended. Because of their age and school privacy policy, their names and the length of their suspension will not be publicly released. Adding another layer of intrigue to the story, the boys were supposedly watching gay porn because it was a student-created ‘test’ to see if they themselves were gay. The San Diego Union-Tribune cites accounts from a group of students who said that the so-called ‘gay test’ mandated that if the boys got aroused at the sight of the gay porn, they would be considered homosexual.


Feitleberg

The “Gay Test” would have been the hardest I ever studied in my middle school career. Holy shit what a stressful experience. I’d be up all night before studying my little dick off. Convincing myself that NSYNC sucks or that my Tamagotchi wasn’t fun. Looking at the pictures on my Hanes boxer briefs then electrocuting myself. Thank God I paid attention for the lesson on Pavlov. Because there isn’t a middle schooler on the planet that doesn’t get about 9 random boners per day. Could be in church, could be when mom was waking you up for school, could be sitting in a classroom with an iPhone Lemon Party going on in your hand. There’s really no way to control the NARB. And there’s no coming back from being the kid who got a semi while watching some Bear put it down on a Twink. It would be like when you’re fucking a chick and you’re about to cum so you gotta recite lineups or think about chairs. Because one stray thought that causes it to move and you’re looking at social suicide. In for a lifetime of being picked last in gym class.

Vs.

Mo

Wait…WAIT. Did they just run up on some random Asian lady in a car and break down this whole story looking for a reaction shot? What could they have said?

“HEY LADY DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THOSE MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS WHO GOT SUSPENDED FOR JERKING OFF IN CLASS TO GAY PORN ON THEIR CELL PHONES TO SEE IF THEY WERE GAY??”

“Oh…okay. I didn’t know that.”

Poor Asians. Even funnier was Mr. Johnson getting outed for being a shitty teacher. Dude Joe Pa’d the whole thing and is now feeling the wrath. When other students come to talk to you about the 9 kids CURRENTLY stroking it to gay cell phone porn in your class — you’ve gotta make moves.  Take action.  I don’t care how terrible your job as a middle school English teacher is, you can’t let kids jerk off during class.  WAY too much in-class freedom.

But I guess they were all old enough to know that jerking off to gay porn and not getting hard is the only way to know for certain that you’re not gay. No other way around it. If it moves — you gay. Been the rule for thousands of years.


Vote 1 for Feitleberg and 10 for Mo


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