ELIOT, MaineAn accident scene on Goodwin Road on Sunday was straight out of the television show “The Walking Dead.” It was nearly dusk when a Geo Tracker was driven into the soft shoulder going around a bend on Goodwin Road near the Kittery town line. Police said the driver, McKeed J. Mason, 32, of Eliot, lost control and rolled the vehicle onto the driver’s side. Mason’s vehicle was adorned with a number of zombie-related decals, including several hazardous waste symbols, a sticker with the words “Zombie Response Team” surrounded by a pair of guns, and a decal on the driver’s door that reads “Zombie Outbreak Response Team.” “We’ve seen the vehicle around town. I’ve seen a few vehicles like that,” said Eliot Police Chief Ted Short. Inside the vehicle, police discovered an AR-15 semi-automatic rifle. Short described it as the “civilian version” of the M16 military rifle… Mason is an independent contractor hired by Seacoast Media Group to deliver papers. Mason appears to be one of a number of people in the area police have noticed are interested in zombie “culture,” Short said.

So the Eliot, Maine PD is in on the conspiracy too I guess?  Making up this cock & bull story about McKeed J. Mason being an adult paperboy out driving drunk when we all know the real story: The Zombie Apocalypse is upon us.  The government can only lie to us about homeless people high on bath salts and the like for so long before the rest of the world catches on.  But right now McKeed and I know the truth and we’re ready for what’s coming. Granted, he prefers an AR-15 semi while I go for something more quiet and less prone to attracting walkers.  I’m more of a crossbow guy like Darryl or a fan of ninja swords like Michonne.  But to each his own  The point is, while all you suckers are buying these cover stories about drunken paper boys, I’ll be holding up at Plymouth County House of Corrections, knocking off all the inmates so I can keep my people safe while you’re all Human Happy Meals for the walkers.  Woulda, coulda, shoulda.  So buy into the government lie if you want to.  But I know it wasn’t booze that made McKeed J. Mason drive off that road.  It happened like this: